


a place to call home

by invertedpyramids



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Found Family, Single Parent AU, with hyunjin choerry and yeojin as three rowdy kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2020-10-18 09:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20637233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invertedpyramids/pseuds/invertedpyramids
Summary: Sooyoung is a burned out lawyer who needs a new home. Jinsol has three kids, a spare bedroom, and a whole lot of love to give.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian translation: https://ficbook.net/readfic/9066902

The shadows against the wall hang long, accompanied by the soft sound of a pen scratching, the clacking of keyboard keys, and the occasional sigh or two echoing through the small enclosed space.

“What about a long-tailed macaque?”

“List it. We can probably make a good case for it.”

From the large floor-to-ceiling windows of Jeong’s Law Firm, Sooyoung can see the lights on at Woori Bank opposite them - they’re so close that she can even see the dark figures of the employees moving around and working at their cubicle, despite the late hour.

By now, it’s just Sooyoung and Haseul left in the office, watching the clock on the wall tick their sleeping hours away as they work on what is probably their firm’s biggest divorce case ever.

“Fennec foxes, sugar gliders, _zebras _?” Haseul slaps the file on the table. “You gotta be kidding me.”

“Wait till you see what the husband is demanding as settlement.”

“I can’t imagine,” says Haseul. She looks around their empty office and stretches, her bones popping with each twist of her body. “I can’t do this. I’m starting to see double. Coffee?”

“I’ll go with you.”

One month after landing this giant case, Sooyoung already wants to die. Two weeks of surviving on less than four hours of sleep can do that to a person. 

Following Haseul into the pantry, the both of them sigh as the aromatic scent of coffee hits their nose, and they gulp down the strong liquid.

“You know, I think I’m tapping out after this,” Sooyoung says. “I need more than a short nap if I’m going to actually be able to fight the case next week.”

“Yeah, go ahead. I’m just going to finish listing those exotic pets and see which ones we can fight custody for before I leave.” Even with the coffee, Haseul yawns loudly. “Seriously, we don’t get paid enough for this.”

“We’re junior lawyers. This is what life is supposed to look like for the next five years until we get promoted.”

Haseul groans theatrically. Sooyoung laughs.

Rinsing their cups, they head back into the workspace. But while Haseul sinks down into the seat, Sooyoung slings her bag over her shoulder and waves to Haseul.

“See you tomorrow.” 

Haseul hums and waves her away.

Hailing a cab from the side of the road, Sooyoung clambers into the rear and lets out a loud sigh as her back hits the soft leather seats. Finally. Maybe today will be the night she will actually catch a full night’s sleep.

Her landlady is already asleep by the time Sooyoung returns home. She creeps in as quietly as she can, and takes a quick shower before falling into her mattress and drifting off into sleep almost instantly.

Sooyoung dreams. She dreams of happier times, of a childhood spent in idyllic Busan, summers of water gun fights with the other kids in the neighbourhood.

There’s one kid in particular - Junho - who’s relentless. He chases Sooyoung down to the back of her house with his Super Soaker and sprays her: first with drops, then a jet, and then an entire torrent of water blasting at Sooyoung till she jolts out of bed and falls onto the floor.

Sooyoung wakes up, and her ceiling collapses on her.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” 

As it turns out, it is entirely possible for ceilings to collapse from water damage. This is something Sooyoung learns from eavesdropping on her landlady’s angry call with building management, as she demands for someone to come over and fix the problem immediately.

She’s trying hard not to laugh herself. After all, it’s not everyday when your entire ceiling is sagging like a waterlogged stack of papers, only because your neighbour fell asleep while running the bath.

Her landlady, on the other hand, is a very furious middle-aged woman, and so Sooyoung wisely decides to swallow her laughter in favour of saving whatever few effects she has lying about in her room.

“The whole lot of you are useless!” Her landlady screams in frustration before turning to Sooyoung. “I’m sorry Miss, but you’re going to have to find somewhere else to live. I’ll refund half your rent for this month.”

Sooyoung’s figured that part out already, at the very least. Taking out her phone from her pocket, she calls the first person that comes to mind.

Jiwoo picks up on the first ring. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. I need to ask you a favour. My ceiling collapsed, and I need a new place to live… like tonight. Do you know anyone who might be letting out a room?”

Jiwoo takes a moment - Sooyoung holds her breath as she waits. If Jiwoo, 5,000 Facebook friends Jiwoo, can’t help her, she’s pretty much out of options. She might just have to check into a hotel while she continues her search for new lodgings.

“Actually yeah,” Jiwoo says finally. “I know someone letting out a room, only…”

“Only?”

“She lives with three kids. They’re like seven, five and one.”

Oh. Sooyoung doesn’t know how to feel about that. While she doesn’t have a problem with children - adores them, even - the idea of living with three children below the age of ten is daunting.

“You can move in as soon as you want though, and the rent is cheap. 500,000 won per month with utilities and internet included.”

That’s… 200,000 won cheaper than her current apartment. She can’t say that it isn’t attractive.

“Okay, I’ll take it,” she says. “Do you think you guys can come help me move?”

“Sure, we’ll be over in an hour.”

She calls her office next.

“Hello?”

“Hi Jaden, sorry - I need to take today off urgently. My ceiling collapsed and I need to figure out some new living arrangements.”

There’s a long pause on the other end of the line. Sooyoung can imagine Jaden parsing this information, his nostrils flared in frustration as he considers the fact that the firm will be one woman down today.

“Fine,” he says, before the line goes dead and Sooyoung is left listening foolishly to the beep.

By the time Jiwoo and Jungeun arrive, Sooyoung has packed her entire life up into her two suitcases she brought with her up from Busan.

“Is this all?” Jiwoo asks in amazement as they load the suitcases into Jungeun’s trunk. 

“I don’t buy a lot of things…”

“Come on guys,” interrupts Jungeun. “No chit-chatting. I need to return this car before my dad realises that his baby is gone.”

They clamber in, and Jungeun takes off quickly. She’s a terrible driver. Sooyoung is left clinging onto the back of the driver’s seat for dear life as Jungeun - _finally_ \- skids to a halt at a block of off-white apartment complexes, nested neatly against each other.

“How the hell did you even get your licence? I almost died!” Sooyoung crawls out of the back, her legs wobbling.

To her credit, Jungeun looks sheepish. “I only passed my driving test because the tester was so sick of seeing me over and over again.”

Jiwoo and Jungeun lead her to the nearest apartment block, the one with the giant number 77 painted on its side. They head up to the 17th floor and round the side to the unit overlooking the road. It looks nice. Classy. The black wooden door set into the white surroundings gives it a modern charm.

Jungeun presses the bell.

The door flies open and a small child stares at them balefully.

“Hi Hyunjin, is your aunt in?”

“Depends.” The child eyes the three of them. “Why are you asking?”

Jungeun crouches. “This is Sooyoung. She’s going to be living with you from now on.”

Sooyoung feels a shiver down her spine as the girl glares at her.

They’re interrupted - thankfully - by the patter of feet and a surprisingly young woman appears, carrying a gurgling baby in her arms.

“Hyunjin! What did I say about opening doors?” She turns to them, looking flustered. “Sorry, I didn’t expect you guys to arrive so early. Hi, I’m Jinsol,” she says, smiling at Sooyoung. “I would shake your hand, but it’s probably covered in drool now. Come in, come in.”

The apartment itself is spacious. Painted in soft pastels, the walls have animal stickers pasted all over them - a cat, some fruit bats, and even little green frogs dance across it. A large TV plays a cartoon while another little girl sits on the floor, head turned to them in wonder.

“Aunty Jungeun!” The girl bounds over and grabs Jungeun’s hand. “I drew you and Aunty Jiwoo.”

Sooyoung watches as the girl drags Jungeun away to join her on the floor, where a large piece of drawing paper and several scattered crayons wait.

Meanwhile, Jinsol leads them deep into the house. “This is Hyunjin and Yerim’s room,” she says, pointing to the first room on the left. The inside are painted in a cheery yellow, and twin cots line either side of the wall, with a box full of toys chucked into a corner. It’s exactly what Sooyoung expects a child’s room to look like.

“This is the master bedroom,” continues Jinsol. “Yeojin sleeps with me in here.” She bounces the baby in her arms and coos at her.

The third room is located away from the other rooms in the house. “Here is your room,” says Jinsol. “It’s a little bit out of the way, but I thought it would be better like that. Less noise.”

Sooyoung appreciates the gesture. She smiles. “It looks great, thank you. I can sign the contract right now.”

“Of course. Let me just get it.” Jinsol disappears back into the house, leaving Jiwoo and Sooyoung staring at her room.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Jiwoo asks. “It’s actually a really good place, it’s just difficult because three kids get too much for most people.”

Sooyoung runs a hand over the cupboard. The room itself is nice. It’s spacious, just like the rest of the house, and it has all the furniture she could need. A cupboard, a bed, a table. Perfect. At this point, the kids are a mere afterthought.

“Yeah, I think I could get used to this,” says Sooyoung.

Jiwoo beams.

With the contract signed, and Jungeun pried away - with much difficulty - from Yerim, the house finally seems to settle into its normal state.

Sooyoung is just about applying the finishing touches to her unpacked room when there is a knock on her door and a small head pokes around the door.

“Aunty Jinsol wants to know if you’re hungry,” says the girl, Yerim.

As if on cue, Sooyoung’s stomach growls. “A bit, yeah.”

“Okay.” Yerim takes a careful step into the room. “I’m Yerim,” she says, extending her hand to shake like a little adult.

Charmed, Sooyoung crouches and takes her hand. “I’m Sooyoung. It’s nice to meet you, Yerim.”

“How old are you?” wonders the girl. “Are you as old as Aunty Jinsol?”

“How old is Aunty Jinsol?”

“She’s…” Yerim holds up seven fingers. “She’s 24!”

Sooyoung laughs. “Yes, we’re the same age.”

Then, another head pokes around. “Aunty Jinsol wants you,” says the older child, Hyunjin. She ignores Sooyoung.

“Okay,” calls Yerim. She turns back and waves to Sooyoung. “Bye.” The two of them patter their way back into the main part of the house. 

Figuring she might as well get to know her new landlord, Sooyoung emerges and wanders out to the living room. There’s no one there, but the TV is still on, and Yerim’s art supplies are still scattered over the floor.

There’s a bubble of noise from the kitchen, however, and so Sooyoung follows it to its source. Through the doorway, she spies Jinsol, busy putting together sandwiches as Yerim and Hyunjin clamor for snacks instead.

“I told you, the only snacks allowed in this house are carrot and celery sticks,” says Jinsol, clicking her tongue at the children.

“Not fair! Heejin’s mom lets her eat french fries!”

“That’s Heejin’s mom. Heejin’s mom also makes her attend extra math classes. Do you want that too?”

Hyunjin pouts.

Yeojin is giggling happily on her own in the high chair, swinging her little fists all over; Yerim is trying to climb all over the counter before Jinsol picks her up and puts her back on the ground.

“Behave. I’ll give you extra TV time if you stay still.”

“But I want to help make Aunty Sooyoung sandwiches too!”

“Only if you wash your hands.”

Sooyoung can’t help but smile. Silently, she walks back out of the kitchen to her room, not wanting to disturb the peace of the little family. After all, she figures, if they need her, they know where to look.

*

One week in, the first thing that Sooyoung learns about living with children is that viruses spread. _Fast _.

It starts with Yerim waking up one day with a cough and a sniffly nose.

“Uh-oh,” says Jinsol, putting her hand on Yerim’s forehead. “Looks like you might have a fever. You’ll have to stay home today.”

She rummages through the cupboards from the thermometer as Sooyoung wolfs down her twin slices of bread.

Jinsol sticks the thermometer in Yerim’s mouth and frowns as the machine beeps. “38 degrees… Yeah, you’re going to straight to bed after this.”

“And I can get ice-cream?”

Jinsol considers the proposition. “Only if you’re good.”

“Yay!”

“No fair, I want to be sick too.”

Yerim sticks out her tongue at Hyunjin. But before it can escalate into a fight, Jinsol steps right between them. “Come on, Hyunjin. The school bus is arriving any minute now.”

“I can take her,” Sooyoung offers. “I’m going down anyway.”

“Really? I don’t want to bother you…”

“It’s no bother at all. I’m going down too, and you need to put Yerim to bed.”

“Only if you’re sure,” says Jinsol, but she looks relieved.

Sooyoung slings her bag over her shoulder. “Ready?” She watches as Hyunjin sullenly slinks off, carrying her backpack and shuffling her feet.

She catches up to Hyunjin at the lift landing, but the girl ignores her. Nothing new. Ever since Sooyoung moved in, Hyunjin has barely spoken a word to her, choosing instead to communicate via glares and grunts.

Haseul’s working theory is that Hyunjin hates having to share her house with a stranger, while Jiwoo merely assures her that Hyunjin would warm up to her in no time.

Whatever it is, Hyunjin isn’t talking to her and Sooyoung can respect that. So while Hyunjin walks steadily ahead, Sooyoung merely follows her from the back, far enough to be walking separately, but near enough to keep her in sight.

While Hyunjin waits at the pick-up point with the other kids, Sooyoung waits a distance away. Only when the bus arrives, and she watches Hyunjin make her waddling way up the bus does she finally turn away and jog towards her own bus stop.

When she returns past midnight, she’s surprised to find the house in a crisis. Jinsol is hurrying around like a flustered mother hen, while Yeojin wails.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Yeojin’s sick too,” sighs Jinsol. “Yerim is too hot to sleep, and they’re all disturbing Hyunjin.”

“Let me check in with Yerim,” offers Sooyoung.

“No, it’s fine. You’re tired. I’ll handle it.”

“Jinsol, you’re exhausted. Let me help.”

Jinsol looks torn, but after a long stare-off, she finally caves. “Thank you,” she whispers.

Sooyoung only takes a moment to put her bag down in her room and strip off her jacket before she goes to Hyunjin’s and Yerim’s shared room, only to find Hyunjin reading in a lit room, with Yerim in a temper.

“Yerim? What’s wrong?”

“It’s hot,” the girl whines. “It’s hot when I lie down, but it’s cold when I sit up.”

Sooyoung kneels in front of Yerim’s bed and feels her forehead. She’s burning up. “Did you see the doctor today?”

Yerim nods.

“I’m getting you some medicine. Stay there.” She exits the room and bumps into Jinsol who’s bouncing Yeojin in her arms as the baby wails.

“How’s Yerim?” asks Jinsol worriedly.

“Feverish. How’s Yeojin?”

“She’s really hot too. I don’t know if I should bring them to the hospital.” There’s a large crease in between Jinsol’s eyebrows, which makes her lines in her face even more prominent.

It takes Sooyoung a moment, but between a tomato-red Yeojin, a stressed Jinsol, and the bottle of cough syrup in her hands, she makes a decision.

“You should take Yeojin to the hospital. Don’t worry about Yerim and Hyunjin. I’ll stay here and look after them.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Fevers are dangerous in babies,” she says, and that’s enough to convince Jinsol.

They quickly call a taxi and bundle Jinsol and Yeojin off, while Sooyoung returns to the bedroom to check on Yerim and Hyunjin. Yerim has grown sleepy, and is dozing with the blankets off, while Hyunjin reads.

“Hyunjin, you have school tomorrow.”

Hyunjin ignores her.

“Bed, Hyunjin.”

“You’re not my mom.”

“I’m not, but I’m here to make sure you sleep now because your aunt is taking Yeojin to the hospital.” Sooyoung walks over and crouches down in front of Hyunjin. “Don’t make things harder for your aunt, okay? She’s going to have a hard time waking you up tomorrow if you’re tired.”

Reluctantly, Hyunjin puts her book away and pulls the covers up to her chin.

“Goodnight,” says Sooyoung and flicks the lights off. With the kids settled, she heaves a deep sigh of relief and heads to the bathroom, ready to wash off the grime and exhaustion from today.

“Where’s Hyunjin?”

Three days later, Yerim is well enough to attend school; but this time, it’s Hyunjin who’s missing from the breakfast table.

“Sick.” Jinsol shakes her head. “It’s really one after the other.”

Yeojin, too, looks a lot better. While she’s still recovering, she’s well enough to blubber and throw her toys around the room, which is a relief.

“You’re going to stay at home to take care of her?”

“I have to,” says Jinsol. “I’m just glad Vivi is so understanding.”

Vivi, her boss, is the only person Jinsol gushes about on a regular basis. She’s just so understanding and pretty and kind, according to Jinsol, and Sooyoung is starting to suspect that her landlord has a massive crush on her boss.

They quickly finish eating, and Sooyoung lets Yerim cling on her hand as they head downstairs to pick-up point. With so many sick children, Sooyoung has temporarily taken over the duty of sending the healthy ones to school.

It’s not like she minds. It’s just sending them downstairs and waiting for the bus to pick them up after all.

But unlike Hyunjin, Yerim is chatty. She asks Sooyoung all sorts of things as they descend the elevator - how do elevators move, why is wood brown, and why do butterflies like flowers. All good questions, but sometimes beyond Sooyoung’s ability to answer.

So she lets out a long breath when they reach the pick-up point, and Yerim sees a friend there.

“Hyejoo!”

Hyejoo - and a man who appears to be her father - turn.

“Oh, Yerim, you’re here too,” says the man. Then his gaze moves to Sooyoung and his eyebrows furrow.

“This is Aunty Sooyoung! She’s living with us now!”

“You must be Jinsol’s new tenant,” the man says.

“Yes. Hyunjin is sick today, so I’m helping to send Yerim to school.”

“I’m Jonghyun.” He extends his hand.

“Sooyoung.”

They stand in awkward silence as Yerim and Hyejoo talk. Sooyoung fidgets. She’s never wanted to get to work more.

“So how is everything?” Jonghyun finally says, after an eternity. “I know the kids can be quite a handful.”

“Oh, they’re great. Just really sweet,” says Sooyoung. Her eyes can’t help but drift to Yerim and she smiles.

“That’s good. Most of Jinsol’s previous tenants moved out because they couldn’t deal with the children. Too rowdy for them, they say.”

Sooyoung is actually surprised. While Hyunjin can be surly and Yerim can be overenthusiastic, she can’t imagine being scared off by them. They’re just children. 

The school bus honks and pulls to a stop in front of them. Sooyoung watches as all the children and parents - including Hyejoo and Jonghyun - lean in for hugs and kisses, and she does a double-take when Yerim tugs at her pant leg and stretches her arms upwards.

“Hug.”

Sooyoung stares. 

“Hug,” Yerim insists.

Everyone is waiting for Yerim. Feeling the stares of the parents and children on her, Sooyoung leans in, lets Yerim wrap her tiny arms around her neck and land a large wet kiss on her cheek.

“Bye bye Aunty Sooyoung!” Yerim waves and runs after the other children into the bus.

Pressing her hand to her cheek, Sooyoung waves slowly back, the corners of her mouth tugging into a lopsided smile.

It’s Jinsol’s turn on Friday. Sooyoung wakes up to find Jinsol wearing a mask and sniffling even as the children stare at their aunt warily.

“You’re sick,” Sooyoung says.

“Thanks. I didn’t know that."

Sooyoung glances at the kids - they look just as bewildered as she is.

They let Jinsol bang around the house for a bit more before Sooyoung puts her foot down. “You’re going to bed,” she says, taking the pan and spatula from Jinsol.

“You can’t do that to me in my own house.”

Sooyoung presses a hand to Jinsol’s forehead instead. “You’re burning up. Take these - ” she stuffs a pack of paracetamol into her hands “- and go to sleep.”

“But the kids - ”

“We’ll be fine, right?” Yerim and Hyunjin nod. “I’ll cook breakfast for them and send them to school, don’t worry. You just focus on sleeping.”

Jinsol protests again, but this time, the combined persuasion from Sooyoung and kids is enough to cow her and send her straight to her room to bed.

Once they’re properly sure that Jinsol has fallen asleep, Sooyoung turns to the kids and says: “Okay, who wants cereal?”

Yerim cheers.

Sooyoung wakes with an aching head and sore body on Sunday. The sun is already high in the sky, the light streaming through her windows and falling on her face. She takes one step out of bed and _slips _.

“Sooyoung?” Jinsol and the three kids peer in through the crack in her door. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just dizzy.” It’s strange. She could have sworn that she went to sleep early last night, after feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on.

Jinsol helps her up. Pauses. Then touches her forehead.

“You’re having a fever,” she says.

Oh great. “Nooo,” Sooyoung moans. “I have work to do today.”

“No work. You’re going to have some food, medicine, and then you’re going back to sleep.” Jinsol pushes her back to the bed. “Stay.”

With minimal protest - because honestly Sooyoung’s head is pounding way too hard to fight - Jinsol tucks Sooyoung in and hands her a thermometer. Sooyoung puts it in her mouth and waits.

“Hyunjin, go get a cup of water.”

The girl grumbles, but pads off. Meanwhile, Yerim and Yeojin are hanging out in Sooyoung’s room, Yeojin crawling all over the floor and furniture, while Yerim places her hands on Sooyoung’s forehead and peers at her.

“You have a fever, Aunty Sooyoung,” says Yerim.

“Yes, and she’ll need lots of rest and quiet. Can you do that, Yerim?”

The girl nods. Grabbing Yeojin’s hand, she tugs her sister out of the room, ignoring Yeojin’s whine. It’s going to dissolve into a quarrel, and - right on cue - Yeojin begins wailing.

Jinsol sighs. 

Sooyoung’s thermometer beeps, and the both of them lean over to peer at it. Their faces are inches apart, Sooyoung suddenly realises, and she jerks back.

“Hmm… 38.6. That’s really high.” Jinsol clicks her tongue. “You should get some sleep. You have everything you need?”

“Yeah… Everything. Thanks.” Her face is hot.

Jinsol smiles. “Okay, rest then.”

Sooyoung closes her eyes and sleeps.

She drifts in and out of consciousness. Once, she wakes to the feeling of something wet and cold on her forehead, and the murmur of people talking. The second time, it’s to tiny hands grabbing at her arm.

The third time she wakes, she’s alone; her head feels clear, and it seems her fever has completely broke. It’s seven, and her stomach is growling.

She emerges into the warm orange glow of the living room. Jinsol, Hyunjin, Yerim, and Yeojin are seated around the dining table in a rare moment of calm, eating a dinner of rice, chicken, and vegetables.

They’re listening to Hyunjin tell them about school, something about rubbing a bully’s face in the dirt, and Jinsol is trying not to smile as she warns Hyunjin against using violence. Yeojin and Yerim are both talking animatedly in their own baby language, Yeojin babbling and Yerim talking nonsense back at her.

She’s suddenly taken over a spate of coughing, and four heads swivel to look at her.

“Aunty Sooyoung!” Yerim jumps up and clings to Sooyoung’s arm. “You’re up.”

She drags her to the table where there’s an empty seat.

“I made you some dinner, but I wasn’t sure if you’d be well enough for it,” Jinsol says, eyeing her.

“No, it looks great.” She’s ravenous. Within five minutes, she inhales all the food on the table, and looks up to see Jinsol and the kids watching her. “Sorry,” she says, sheepish.

Jinsol bursts out laughing first. Then the kids follow, and in that instant, the house feels alive, _full _. It’s a far cry from the cold nights in her previous apartment, where her landlady stays out all day and night, and is only ever home when she brings her other old friends to come party.

It’s the empty rooms and darkened hallways that she doesn’t miss, and Sooyoung smiles and thinks to herself: _maybe this isn’t so bad after all._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes they go to a grocery store

She takes it back. Her life is shit.

It’s late in the afternoon on a Monday when Jaden storms into the office, a metaphorical storm cloud hovering behind him as he proceeds to yell at everyone, from the receptionist to the partners, about how they’re all dumbasses that need to be fired.

“Ha Sooyoung, Jo Haseul! Where are the case files you promised me yesterday? I said I wanted them on my desk this morning, and they’re not here!”

Sooyoung and Haseul exchange looks. It wasn’t too many hours ago that Jaden sent them an email telling them not to rush the files, especially since it was that big divorce case that they didn’t want to screw up.

Sooyoung sighs.

They scuttle into the office, side by side. Sooyoung can already feel her body shrivel in anticipation of the tongue-lashing.

“What are you two good-for-nothings doing? Do you think this is a joke? I want to win this case, and to do that, I need _ precedence_! So where is that research you promised, hm?”

“Sorry Jaden. We thought - ”

“You thought, you thought! That’s not what I’m paying you to do, Miss Ha! I’m paying you to sit down, do research, and let the more experienced ones handle the work.”

“Sorry.”

“Get out of my sight,” says Jaden. “I want to see the files on my desk first thing tomorrow morning.”

So it’s another long night. Sooyoung and Haseul slink back to their desks, their tails between their legs.

By dinnertime, Sooyoung is dying to leave. A never-ending stack of files populate her desk, and she’s slowly sifting through the firm’s archives to look at past cases of divorce to see if there’s anything they can use for this case.

Haseul, on the other hand, is looking through internet archives of past court cases.

Sooyoung stretches and cracks her neck. “My head feels like it’s about to fall off,” she groans.

“My eyesight is blurring,” says Haseul.

The both of them lie back in their chairs and stare at the ceiling. There are still a couple of other lawyers hanging around the firm - but while it isn’t unusual to see people in working in a law firm past dinner, it’s always Sooyoung and Haseul left in the office till midnight, or past.

Times like this makes Sooyoung think.

She’s been slaving away at work for only seven months, and already, she’s missing college life. While she studied hard, there’s also always the space for her to be alone with her thoughts, turning over ideas that intrigue her at her own pace.

In fact, she thinks she probably would have studied Korean literature if not for her parents’ pressure.

Her phone dings. It’s Jiwoo.

_ Hey! I’m near ur office. Dinner? _

She hasn’t spoken to Jiwoo in the two months since moving into Jinsol’s house. Between releasing albums with her indie band and working a full time job waitressing, Jiwoo hasn’t quite had the time to speak, much less have dinner.

She accepts immediately.

They meet at a barbeque place just a few blocks from her office, and buy themselves ten servings of pork belly and a bottle of beer each.

“So how is everything?”

“You mean at work, or with Jinsol and the kids?”

“Everything! I’ve been so busy I haven’t managed to catch up with anyone in such a long time.”

Sooyoung smiles at her enthusiasm. “Work’s the same. You know all about it. Jinsol and the kids are great.”

“Still thinking of quitting?”

“Always.” Sooyoung chuckles as Jiwoo pulls a sympathetic face.

“But the house is great, isn’t it?” asks Jiwoo. “It takes a bit of getting used to with the kids, but once you really get to know them, they’re the sweetest. They really make my day whenever we visit.”

That is true for Yerim and Yeojin at least, Sooyoung thinks. But Hyunjin still treats her suspiciously, like a sullen teenager that she isn’t supposed to be for another six years at least.

“Oh, Hyunjin is just taking it hard… Ever since her parents… Well.” Jiwoo drums her fingers on the table. “She still doesn’t trust Jungeun and I even though we’ve been there the entire time since Jinsol took guardianship of them.”

“How did you even know Jinsol?”

“Through Jungeun, duh. They’ve been best friends since they were kids, I think.”

Sooyoung hums. Deciding that they’ve spoken enough about herself, she turns the conversation back to Jiwoo.

Jiwoo brightens up. “It’s been great. I really think we might sign a major label this time; apparently SM approached Yoojung about us doing a collab with one of their singers.”

“That’s great!”

That’s the best thing about talking to Jiwoo, Sooyoung thinks. She never lets a bad day get her down, and it seems that her pure optimism is enough to keep the troubles away. 

And if she’s honest, it gives Sooyoung hope too. If Jiwoo can get approached by a major label, maybe - just maybe - she can figure this work thing out too.

*

Of course, hope is often short-lived. The chaos tumbles over into next week, a tornado that just seems to gain traction as it goes, leaving Sooyoung winded and out of breath.

It’s about ten at night when she returns home from work, back aching and eyes sore. Jaden has been in another of his moods, and Sooyoung is getting the brunt of it now that Haseul is actually learning to work around him.

So when she returns home to find Hyunjin and Yerim yelling at each other, she feels just _ so _ tired.

Jinsol is standing between them, trying and failing to keep them apart as Yeojin bawls, unattended in her high chair.

“Hyunjin, Yerim, apologise to each other!”

“No! She started it!”

“_You _ started it!”

They don’t notice Sooyoung’s presence until she shuts the door with a deft sound, pulling attention away from the fight and onto herself.

Yerim’s tiny face scrunches up, and she begins sobbing as she runs to hug Sooyoung’s leg.

“Yerim…” Jinsol looks like she’s about to lose her temper.

“She’s always crying!” protests Hyunjin and runs to their shared room and slams the door.

Sooyoung is left in the awkward position of a crying child clinging to her leg, a furious Jinsol, and a baby that needs immediate attention.

Her head pounds.

As Jinsol picks Yeojin up to soothe her, Sooyoung turns to Yerim. “What happened?”

“Hyunjin pushed me and I fell.”

“Why did she push you?”

At this, Yerim simply shakes her head. When she glances over Yerim’s head at Jinsol, Jinsol gives her a wry look.

“Yerim, we’ve talked about this before,” says Jinsol, holding a now-quiet Yeojin. “You can’t look at your sister’s diary, even if you’re curious, okay?”

Yerim’s face scrunches up again like she’s going to cry, and she looks at Sooyoung imploringly. And then Sooyoung understands. She’s the good cop in this house. The soft target. The easy sympathy.

The _ sucker_.

The thought rests heavy on her as she untangles herself from Yerim to say: “Your aunt’s right. You can’t look at your sister’s diary - it’s an invasion of privacy.”

Shock and betrayal mix in Yerim’s face. She stares at Sooyoung like she can’t believe what she’s saying, before running off to sulk in a corner.

Sooyoung exchanges looks with Jinsol, who looks like she’s trying not to laugh.

“I didn’t realise I was the easy target in this house,” she says.

Jinsol snorts.

Yerim doesn’t speak to Sooyoung for days. At breakfast, she huffs angrily whenever Sooyoung sits with them at the table. At bedtime, she refuses to give Sooyoung the hug and kiss that she always insists on whenever Jinsol attempts to put them to bed.

“Is she… waging a cold war with me?”

Jinsol hums as she stirs her pot of instant ramen. The kids are already asleep, so it’s just Jinsol and Sooyoung awake in the house, eating supper like they’re in college again.

“I feel so wronged. What did I even do? I mean, you were the main villain and I was just the sidekick in that entire argument.”

“Yes, but I also feed them. So they can’t stay mad at me for long.”

“Is that what I have to do? Feed her? God - it’s like having cats in the house all over again.”

Jinsol chuckles as she pushes the two bowls of steaming noodles across the table. Sooyoung’s stomach growls.

“Don’t worry, Yerim can’t stay mad at you for long. She’s going to forget all about it when your needs your help for homework again.”

They share a grin as they tuck into their food. There is a question that has always been on Sooyoung’s mind ever since she entered the house, and she figures that now is a good time to ask as any.

“How do you do it?”

Jinsol looks up, curious.

“How do you look after three children on your own and still have the energy to carry on? I work fourteen-hour days and I’m already exhausted.”

“Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe it helps knowing that I’m the only one they’ve got; if I crumble, everyone falls with me. That’s how I power through days where I don’t even want to get out of bed.”

Sooyoung hums. It’s nice to have something that pushes you out of bed, she supposes - for Jinsol, it’s the kids, and for Haseul, it’s her love for the work. But Sooyoung? She isn’t sure what gets her out of bed most days. Obligation, perhaps.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Sooyoung sighs. “I don’t know how I feel about my job,” she confesses. “It’s great when I’m not actually in the office - there’s prestige, my parents are proud, I get a good paycheck. But when I’m in the office…”

“All you can think of when you’re doing the work is quitting?”

Sooyoung nods.

Jinsol clicks her tongue. “It’s tough. But I think it matters how you feel inside too. And if it feels too much… the external things don’t matter as much anymore.” She glances at Sooyoung. “I’m sorry, I don’t actually have much advice, but I can always just listen.”

They’re interrupted by a sudden noise at the door.

“Yerim?” Jinsol frowns.

“I had a bad dream, Aunty Jinsol. Can I sleep with you tonight?”

Jinsol hesitates. Sooyoung knows it’s because Yeojin has been fussy all night, and throwing Yerim into the mix might just set her off again.

“Why don’t you sleep with me, Yerim? I have plenty of space in my bed.”

Jinsol and Yerim both stare at Sooyoung. She shrugs.

“Okay,” says Yerim sleepily. She holds out her arms for Sooyoung to pick her up, and falls asleep almost immediately on her shoulder.

“I’ll get her things,” says Jinsol softly. She rests a hand on Sooyoung’s shoulder as they share a look.

Later, as she lies awake with Yerim sleeping by her side, Sooyoung can’t help but think of Jinsol. How brave and strong she is, and how much she must have suffered. She can still feel the heat of Jinsol's palm on her skin, clinging.

*

“Rats, we’re almost clean out of food.”

The girls giggle. “No one uses that word anymore, Aunty Jinsol,” says Yerim.

“What, food?”

“No - rats!”

“It’s embarrassing,” says Hyunjin.

“Oh, now you’re embarrassed of me, huh?” Jinsol advances on Hyunjin and tickles her till she shrieks, flailing and kicking.

Sooyoung peers into the fridge. It’s bare, like old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard: the egg tray has been empty for most of the week, there’s a gaping hole where the milk cartons are meant to sit, and even the vegetable drawer is looking worse for wear.

“You know what that means…” says Sooyoung.

“Grocery shopping!”

For reasons Sooyoung doesn’t understand, the kids _ love _ grocery shopping. Every time Jinsol announces a trip to the nearest Lotte Mart, the kids will beg and beg and beg to be allowed to come with.

Perhaps it’s the allure of the snack aisle, or perhaps it’s something a little more existential with the way the shelves are full-stocked and neatly lined, like a shining image of domesticity that remains out of reach. Either way, it _ calls _ to the kids.

“We can all go grocery shopping, provided you all behave yourselves today,” declares Jinsol.

“Aunty Jinsol, can Sooyoung come with us?”

Jinsol looks across the island counter at Sooyoung and raises her eyebrows. Sooyoung shrugs; she likes supermarkets too.

“Only if you’re good,” says Jinsol, and that’s that.

Needless to say, it’s the most peace Sooyoung has had in the three months of living with them.

By the time four o’clock rolls around, Yerim and Hyunjin are dressed and ready in their best autumn wear, without any prodding on Jinsol’s part; Yeojin is quiet too as Jinsol straps her to the baby harness.

“Ready?”

With Yeojin in front and one hand holding Hyunjin’s and Yerim’s hands, Jinsol looks ready for war. Sooyoung bites back laughter.

“Let’s go then.”

Outside, the leaves are only just starting to turn brown. Autumn in Seoul is beautiful - somehow, with the falling of leaves and the rapidly cooling air, everyone seems warmer.

And with three children for company, this particular autumn feels _ full_.

Yerim is unduly excited by the subway ride there. Sooyoung tries her best to keep her under control as she zips around the compartment, talking to strangers, and trying to climb the handrails.

“Yerim, do you want to go home?” Sooyoung asks finally, exasperated.

Yerim pauses.

“You promised Aunty Jinsol that you’d be good, didn’t you?”

Reluctantly, Yerim nods. From the corner of her eye, she can see Jinsol give her a thumbs up, and she coughs to hide a laugh.

When they reach the supermarket, there’s loads of families there. It’s a Saturday afternoon after all, and everyone is stocking their fridge for the week to come.

With two adults and three kids, the five of them could be mistaken for any other family - except, they’re nothing like that. Still, the thought makes Sooyoung feel odd, almost like she’s suddenly committed herself to something she isn’t quite sure of herself.

The kids immediately head for the snack aisle. Sooyoung is forced to jog after them as Hyunjin and Yerim stare at what must look like heaven on earth - crackers, potato chips, sodas, and _ oh _ the candy. 

Hyunjin starts grabbing as many things she can hold in her tiny arms.

“Hyunjin, no!”

There is another family in the aisle with them, a mother and her two preteen sons, and Sooyoung feels her neck prickle as the mother looks over.

“Your girls?” The mother asks. “They can really be a handful at this age.”

“Uh…”

She feels someone poking at her legs.

“I want this,” says Yerim, pointing at a two litre bottle of Coke.

Sooyoung firmly tugs Yerim away from the aisle.

“They’re so cute,” the mother continues, oblivious to Sooyoung’s lack of parental oversight over the two girls. “Not like my boys here - they’re impossible to control.”

Sooyoung doesn’t quite know whether to laugh or cry.

Thankfully, Jinsol appears around the aisle to save the day: “There you are! I managed to get some vegetables and fruits along the way. What are you guys doi - Hyunjin, no snacks.”

“Aw, you guys are such a cute family. You must be very proud of your three girls.”

Jinsol finally notices the woman hanging on the fringe of their little circle. She stares at Sooyoung, wide-eyed, while Sooyoung squeezes her eyes shut in embarrassment.

“Mom, we gotta go pee!” The boys tug at their mother’s sleeves.

The mother sighs, and with another wide smile and compliment on their ‘cute family’, the mother and boys finally slink out of sight.

As soon as she’s gone, Hyunjin stares Sooyoung dead in the eye and says: “You’re not my mom.”

“Hyunjin!”

To make things more efficient, Sooyoung and Jinsol decide to split up. Jinsol would take the kids to get their snacks, while Sooyoung - hopelessly inept guardian Sooyoung - would shop for the actual food that keeps the five of them alive.

After running around the frozen food aisle, picking up more vegetables, and some sauces and canned food, she rejoins Jinsol and the kids, still at the snack aisle.

This time, Hyunjin and Yerim are fighting over what flavour of Pocky to buy.

“They’re _ still _ at it?”

Jinsol sighs. “Just let them fight it out; I’m too tired to referee. What did you get?”

“Meat, vegetables, sauce - I got some flour too. I thought I might try baking, and - ”

“ - Jinsol?”

The both of them glance up, only to find an unfamiliar woman standing at the other end of the aisle.

“Vivi?”

The children turn - and with a scream of delight, run and launch themselves into the woman’s arms.

“Vivi!”

They pile onto her, almost knocking her and her basket of food over, and Vivi takes all of them with a good-natured laugh.

Then Sooyoung remembers. Jinsol’s boss, Vivi. The woman who runs that cafe Jinsol works shifts at. The incredibly kind woman who’s always willing to let Jinsol cancel a shift last minute to look after the kids. _That_ Vivi.

“Vivi, what are you doing here? You live on the other side of Seoul.”

“Oh, I’m just here to visit a friend. But I didn’t expect to bump into these cuties here.” She pinches Hyunjin’s nose and laughs as the girl tosses her head.

“Aunty Vivi, when are you going to visit?”

“Aunty Vivi, I want to eat your bread again.”

“Soon, I’ll come visit you soon, I promise.” Vivi rubs their head and looks up - and only then does she notice Sooyoung, hanging in the back, unsure of whether to introduce herself or not. “You must be Jinsol’s new tenant.”

Still confused, Sooyoung allows Vivi to shake her hand. But their greeting is brief, and Vivi is soon swallowed by the children’s enthusiasm again as they eagerly make her promise to bring bread, candy, and games on her next visit. Sooyoung watches Vivi exchange words with Jinsol while she plays with Yeojin.

Then Vivi checks her watch and starts.

“Oh, I’m late! I really have to go.” She glances over at Sooyoung. “But it was nice to meet you,” she says smiling.

Reluctantly, Sooyoung smiles back. She wonders if it looks more like a grimace.

Saturday is take-out day. It’s a reward system that Jinsol devised for herself and the kids, a way of congratulating all of them for surviving the week - usually - unscathed. It’s cute.

Sooyoung offers to buy; after all, Jinsol paid for the groceries and has always been. While Sooyoung adds a little extra to the rent to cover the cost of the groceries, it feels nice treating them to things too.

By popular demand, Sooyoung orders fried chicken. The kids are practically falling over themselves to get to the door when the delivery man arrives, and Jinsol has to corral them away while Sooyoung quickly pays before he gets eaten by the wolves.

Then they settle in, Yerim, Hyunjin, and Yeojin splayed all over their laps as they watch Frozen for the 200th time.

Two hundred times too many in Sooyoung’s opinion, and clearly the kids have finally gotten sick of the movie too, because they fall asleep halfway, half-eaten chicken strewn across the coffee table.

Sooyoung looks over to her left, only to find that Jinsol is nodding off too, her head almost falling on Sooyoung’s shoulder as she snores lightly.

Her hair is tied up in a messy bun on the top of her head, she’s wearing an old stretched out shirt, and there’s some chicken bits on her chin, but somehow, she still looks good.

It must be a crime to be this pretty, thinks Sooyoung - and cringes instantly at how corny the line sounds.

She decides to busy herself with cleaning up instead.

She first shakes Yerim and Hyunjin awake, makes them clean their faces and hands before sending them to bed. Next is Yeojin, who stirs a little as Sooyoung picks her up and puts her in her cot in Jinsol’s room. She turns off the movie, packs up, and wipes down the table before Jinsol yawns and stretches.

“Yeojin?” Jinsol looks frantically around.

“I put her to bed already.”

“You…” Jinsol squints, realising Sooyoung has already cleaned up and put the kids to bed. “You should have woken me up.”

“You take care of the kids every day. I don’t mind helping occasionally.”

Jinsol is staring at her like she’s never seen her before, and Sooyoung shifts awkwardly.

“So, uh, Vivi seems nice…”

“Oh.” Jinsol immediately smiles, which sends a stab of annoyance through Sooyoung. “Yeah. I told you she was my boss, right? She comes over to see the kids sometimes and they just adore her. I think it’s because she makes amazing bread.”

Sooyoung nods.

“She was also my sister’s friend, so she was pretty sympathetic to our situation…”

Jinsol takes a deep, slow breath as she speaks, and Sooyoung's heart twinges. Jinsol doesn't talk about her sister much, but whenever she does, it's always subdued, and Sooyoung doesn't like this strange muted version of Jinsol that appears whenever she discusses her family.

So she says: “When does Vivi usually come over?”

“During the weekends. She likes to take the kids out, give me a day to myself.”

“Are you guys close?”

Jinsol shrugs. “Yeah, pretty much. I mean, we were friends first before I started working for her, so it’s different. Uh, not that I exploit that or anything.”

“No, I get it. It’s great that she’s understanding.” She can’t help it - she reaches out to grab Jinsol’s hand across the table.

Jinsol looks startled, but it’s only for a second before she relaxes and and turns her hand up in Sooyoung's palm to squeeze her fingers back. It's warm.

“Aunty Jinsol - ” Hyunjin walks in and stops short. 

Jinsol quickly retracts her hand.

“What’s up?”

“I’m hungry,” says Hyunjin, watching them carefully. “Can I have bread?”

Sooyoung’s neck suddenly feels hot. The way Hyunjin is staring at her makes her feel like a teenager caught sneaking home way past curfew, the same knowing, chiding look. It’s a little ridiculous that a seven-year-old can make her feel like this, but Hyunjin is also an unnaturally precocious child.

“Only if you promise to go to bed after this,” says Jinsol. She looks at Sooyoung, who backs her up with a nod, and that’s that.

Hyunjin pulls a face at Sooyoung and runs off.

“I swear, she hates me!”

*

“So Jungeun got us tickets to the zoo,” says Jinsol at dinner time.

Sooyoung is home early - for once - and looks up from her second bowl of rice.

“Can we play with the lions and penguins at the zoo?”

“No, stupid. You can’t play with them. The lions will eat you.”

“Hyunjin, don’t call your sister stupid.”

Sooyoung ignores the argument breaking out in front of her in favour of feeding Yeojin. “It’s the zoo, Yeojin! Are you excited?”

“Choo! Choo!” Yeojin waves her hands in the air. Sooyoung _really_ doesn’t want her to grow up and start speaking complete sentences.

She places another spoonful of mashed carrots and potatoes at Yeojin’s mouth, and winces as Yeojin ignores it in favour of dipping her hands into her food; thankfully, Jinsol intercepts her before she can cause too much damage.

“The tickets are for this Sunday, and for a family of six,” says Jinsol. “So…” All four of them look at Sooyoung.

She pauses in the midst of feeding Yeojin another mouthful. “Me?”

“Only if you want to,” Jinsol says quickly.

Honestly, Sooyoung’s terrified of zoos. Have been since she was six and her cousin nearly fell into the lion’s den while climbing the fences like an idiot. She’s never stepped foot into a zoo after that.

But Sooyoung also has a weakness for cute children and pretty girls, and she’s never really been able to say no to anything Jinsol and the kids have asked of her.

So she takes only a moment to think it over. After all, it’s a day of not doing work, which is more fun than anything she would be up to herself, and she gets to spend an afternoon out.

“Sure,” she says, giving in. “Why not?” How bad could it be?

She smiles as Jinsol and Yerim whoop. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was going to post this over the weekend but yvesoul breathed and who am i to say no?
> 
> thank you to everyone who left kudos and commented!
> 
> twt: @jinsoulling


	3. Chapter 3

“Look Yeojin, it’s the very hungry caterpillar.”

Sooyoung holds the book up in front of Yeojin, who giggles and bites its edge, looking up at Sooyoung with a grin. “Yes, _ you _ are a very hungry caterpillar.”

In the background, Hyunjin and Jinsol are arguing. Yerim is sitting beside Sooyoung, painting trees and grass and butterflies all over her new drawing block, flecks of coloured water splashing all over the newspaper backing.

“I don’t wanna do homework!”

“Hyunjin, do you want to go to the zoo or not?”

Sooyoung covers Yeojin’s ears as Hyunjin starts whining, her shrieks getting higher and higher as she stomps her feet in front of Jinsol.

Hyunjin has been getting more difficult recently. Between refusing to go to school in the mornings and hating homework, her attitude has been a point of friction between her and Jinsol for the past few weeks.

“Hyunjin, do your homework, or else you’re grounded for the entire week,” says Jinsol finally.

There’s a moment of shocked silence from Hyunjin, before she starts bawling, running to her room and slamming the door.

Sooyoung glances over. Jinsol’s face is drawn as she pinches the space between her eyebrows.

“You okay?”

Jinsol sighs. “Yeah. I think.”

*

“So I’ve been invited to this mixer thing,” says Haseul without preamble, the moment she sinks into her chair.

Sooyoung looks up from where she’s been squinting at her screen, her vision already blurring the tiny ant-like words together, her neck and back screaming in protest. Her high school athlete self would be been horrified at her current physical condition.

“Mixer?”

“A singles’ gathering, Sooyoung. How long have you been out of it?”

Frankly, she’s never really been _ in _. She’s only ever dated one person in college, and even then, that didn’t last too long. But anyway - 

“I know what a mixer is,” grumbles Sooyoung.

“You know, you should come,” Haseul says. “They’re still looking for people, and I promised that I would help keep an eye out.”

Sooyoung balks. “No, definitely not.”

“Why? You’re single - and you haven’t dated, like _ ever _.”

“I’m not interested.”

“Are you sure?” When Sooyoung nods, Haseul shrugs, and to Sooyoung’s great relief, drops it.

For once, the rest of the work day flows smoothly. Sooyoung finds herself out of the office while the sky is still bright, amazed at the deep blue of the darkening sky and the chirping of birds going back to their nests for the night.

She and Haseul make their way to the bus stop just outside the building. It’s the first time Sooyoung has seen this particular stop filled with people going home, office workers at the end of their work day ready to go home to their families.

Ever since her move, Sooyoung and Haseul now share a bus home. They squeeze onto the bus with a bunch of other people; thankfully, there are seats all the way at the back of the bus, and Sooyoung and Haseul flop into them with a sigh and a groan.

“God, I am so tired,” says Sooyoung, leaning back. Her back is aching from being locked in position the whole day.

Haseul hums in agreement. “We need a break.”

They really did. It’s been ten months since Sooyoung started her job at the firm, and she’s never had a day off since. She’s worked through nights, weekends, _ holidays _, and there’s never been a good time for her to even breathe, much less take days off.

Sometimes, Sooyoung even finds herself jolting awake at night from nightmares of missed deadlines, unable to fall asleep again.

“I miss when we could actually take naps in between doing our work,” says Haseul. “Remember when you used to fall asleep in the law library?”

“I was taking seven classes. I’m surprised I even managed to find time to sleep.”

Thinking back, it was probably good preparation for working life, with the crazy hours they’re pulling now.

The bus glides to a stop in front of Jinsol’s apartment, and Sooyoung hops off after a hurried goodbye to Haseul. The twilight sky is a beautiful shade of purple and pink, and Sooyoung can’t help but pause in the middle of the path just to take its vastness in.

Now, five months in, Jinsol’s house is a familiar walk from the bus stop. She lets herself into the apartment, surprised to find it full of life; the kids - or just Yerim and Yeojin - greet her at the door with hugs and kisses.

Jinsol pokes her head out of the kitchen and smiles at the sight of Yeojin in Sooyoung’s arms. “You’re back early.”

“I was surprised too,” says Sooyoung. “Where’s Hyunjin?”

Jinsol’s eyebrows furrow as she looks away. “She’s been upset ever since she came home, I don’t know why. She doesn’t want to tell me anything either.”

Sooyoung thinks about offering to speak to Hyunjin - but with how Hyunjin treats her, it would probably make things worse. A lot worse.

“Have you spoken to her teacher? Maybe something is troubling her at school.”

Jinsol’s frown deepens. “I’ve been meaning to… But with work and the kids, I just keep forgetting. I thought I could do it with the PTA coming up. I don’t know - I really don’t know what to do with this kid.”

Sooyoung’s about to respond when she suddenly hears the shuffling of feet, and she starts as she sees Hyunjin standing a foot away from them, looking petulant. “I’m hungry.”

Sooyoung puts Yeojin down as Jinsol reminds Hyunjin to wash her hands first.

Hyunjin sulks even at dinner, and it’s clear to everyone that she’s still smarting at something that happened at school, her unhappiness dampening the atmosphere at the table. Yerim is unusually quiet, pushing her food around on her plate until Jinsol reminds her that she can’t have TV until she finishes.

Later, as Sooyoung sends off her last batch of urgent emails, Yerim pulls at her sleeves and holds out her toothbrush and pyjamas to Sooyoung.

“You want me to help you get ready for bed?”

Yerim nods.

“What about Aunty Jinsol?”

“She’s busy with Hyunjin and Yeojin…”

And Sooyoung understands. Sweet Yerim. She takes the middle child by her hand and leads her to the bathroom.

Jinsol beams when Sooyoung brings Yerim into the room. “Yerim, you’re ready!” She gives Yerim a kiss on the tip of her nose.

Sooyoung watches as Yerim tucks herself slowly into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin, and folding the top of the blanket back, just like how Jinsol does it. Exact to the degree.

Meanwhile, Jinsol and Hyunjin are bent over a stack of books - Hyunjin’s overdue homework, no doubt. They’re too distracted to pay much attention to anything else, and so Yerim leans forward and asks in a small voice, “Aunty Sooyoung, will you read to me?”

She glances at Jinsol, who is painstakingly explaining a math problem to an inattentive Hyunjin, all while trying to stop Yeojin from putting random things into her mouth.

“Of course.” Sooyoung picks up the book by Yerim’s bedside and takes a seat by Yerim’s bed. “Once upon a time, in a land far, far away…”

*

Sooyoung is in the middle of a meeting when her phone buzzes, drawing all eyes to her.

“Sorry,” she mutters, and escapes the stifling room, glad for the reprieve. “Hello?”

“Is this Ms Ha Sooyoung?”

“Uh… yes. Who’s speaking?”

“It’s Ms Lee here, from Taejoong Elementary School.”

Taejoong Elementary School? Wait a minute, that was Hyunjin’s school.

“Uh, I’m sorry, did you get the wrong number?”

“This is Ms Ha Sooyoung, is it not? I’ll need you to come by and get Hyunjin. She’s in a bit of trouble.” And before Sooyoung can protest, or even ask them to just call Jinsol, the line dies, and Sooyoung is left in the middle of the hallway, holding her phone to her ear.

She contemplates calling Jinsol for a moment before remembering that she’s on shift, and Sooyoung can hardly ask Jungeun and Jiwoo to cover for her, not when Hyunjin seems to have asked for her specifically.

She returns to the meeting, where she spends the next half hour twiddling her thumbs. When Jaden declares the meeting over, she waylays him in his office, an excuse already forming at the tip of her tongue.

“Jaden, I’m afraid to have to leave early today.”

“What? Why?”

“Bad case of, uh, toilet regurgitation back home.”

Jaden’s face twitches like he’s trying to imagine what a bad case of toilet regurgitation is, before he shakes his head and waves Sooyoung away with a flap of his hand.

She barely has time to explain the situation to Haseul before she’s grabbing her bag and hurrying out of the building.

Taejoong Elementary School is located fairly near to her office. It looks old with its brick walls and green-lined windows, large banners hung along the walls of the school announcing the dates of Sports Day.

Dressed in her black-and-white suit and carrying a briefcase, Sooyoung feels out of place among the casually-dressed housewives, routinely picking up their children after a hard morning’s work at home.

It has been far too long since she’s even stepped into an elementary school.

There’s a young teacher waiting in the principal’s office for her, who introduces herself as Hyunjin’s homeroom teacher, Ms Kim.

“Sorry you had to rush out of work,” says Ms Kim, eyeing Sooyoung’s crisp suit. “Hyunjin asked us to call you to pick her up. I see you’re also listed as one of her emergency contacts.”

“What happened, Ms Kim?”

The teacher sighs and shakes her head. “I’ll let the principal explain.” She opens the door for Sooyoung into a sparsely furnished office, filled with nothing but an oak desk, grey filling cabinets, and two moth-eaten velvet curtains.

Inside, Hyunjin and the principal turn to look at her.

“Hi, Ms Ha?” The principal shakes Sooyoung’s hand. “I apologise to have you come down today. I don’t know if I did the right thing by calling you in instead of her aunt, but Hyunjin was insistent than we call you.”

Sooyoung glances at Hyunjin, who quickly looks away in favour of staring her own scuffed sneakers.

“That’s no problem. Is something the matter with Hyunjin?”

The principal sighs. “Ms Ha, I’m afraid Hyunjin was in a fight today.”

_ A fight _! Alarmed, Sooyoung looks at Hyunjin again, who only seems more determined to avoid Sooyoung’s gaze.

“We stopped her before anything too serious happened, but she beat up three boys from her class, and left them with some bruises.”

“Wait, did you say _ three _?”

The principal nods. “I don’t know what happened, because Hyunjin refuses to say anything, but I hope you’ll be able to speak to her, Ms Ha. I know it has been hard on the family, which is why I’m not going to suspend Hyunjin, but this can’t carry on. Her teachers tell me that she’s becoming increasingly difficult to teach.”

“What do you mean increasingly difficult to teach?”

The principal glances at Hyunjin. “I mean, she’s constantly distracted, often disruptive, and rarely hands her homework in. I really hope you can discuss this with Hyunjin’s aunt, Ms Ha, because we’re all very concerned about this.”

Sooyoung’s chest tightens. She can see, with each word from the principal’s lips, Hyunjin shrinking further and further into her seat. 

“I see,” she says curtly. “Thank you for your feedback.” She doesn’t even wait for the principal’s response before she stands, leading Hyunjin out by the hand.

To Ms Kim, who has been waiting outside the office the entire time, she says: “Next time, I would appreciate being told privately, rather than have Hyunjin sit in with me.”

Sooyoung gives Jinsol a quick call the moment they’re out of the principal’s office.

“Sooyoung?”

“Hey. I picked Hyunjin up today.”

“What? Why? Did something happen?”

Sooyoung glances at Hyunjin, who is staring pointedly at the ground. “Nothing much. I’ll tell you when we get home.”

Though worried, Jinsol keeps her questions to a minimum; once she pockets her phone, Sooyoung turns her attention to Hyunjin, who - she realises with a jolt - has a small cut across her cheek.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” Sooyoung takes Hyunjin to the nearest bathroom and washes the dried blood and mud off the girl’s face and hands. There are other tiny bruises along her arms, which must have come from the fight, and Sooyoung can only sigh. It feels a bit like putting together pieces of a shattered vase, Hyunjin’s lip trembling ever so slightly as she fights tears.

“Are you going to scold me?” Hyunjin asks finally, the space between her eyebrows wrinkling.

“Do you think I need to?”

Hyunjin frowns.

Sooyoung checks her watch - it’s only three in the afternoon. She looks at Hyunjin, at the red bruises along her arms, the new band aid across her cheek, and asks: “Want ice-cream?”

They sit at the steps along the Hangang Park, slurping at their chocolate cones and looking out at the giant river that seems to split the city of Seoul into half.

Even though it’s a weekday afternoon, there are still too many people around - tourists and families and retirees - spending a cool afternoon lazing around by the water. 

“Have you ever been here at night?”

Hyunjin shakes her head.

“There’s lights on everywhere - pink, purple, yellow. This is one of my favourite places to go when I’m feeling sad. I can take you next time, if you want.”

But Hyunjin doesn’t say anything.

“Do you want to tell me what happened today?”

Hyunjin shuffles her feet, but Sooyoung can be patient when she wants to, and so she waits until Hyunjin takes a deep breath. “They made fun of me.”

There’s a bit of chocolate on Hyunjin’s cheek which Sooyoung wipes away gently. “Why did they make fun of you?”

“They… said I’m weird because I don’t have a mommy and a daddy…” 

In that moment, Sooyoung’s heart _ breaks _.

Hyunjin’s face crumples, her lip trembling again as she struggles to hold back her emotions; but even then, she can’t help the fat tears that roll down her cheeks, staining her blue pleated skirt in spots.

“Oh, Hyunjin.” Sooyoung reaches over, and Hyunjin collapses into her side, burying her face into Sooyoung’s suit jacket - with chocolate stains she will probably have to wash off the next day - and sobs.

When Hyunjin’s cries peter off into tiny hiccups, Sooyoung pats her back and wipes her eyes and mouth with a tissue. 

“Don’t tell Aunty Jinsol,” begs Hyunjin. “I don’t want her to be upset.”

Torn, Sooyoung strokes Hyunjin’s hair back from her face. While she understands Hyunjin’s worry, it’s not fair to keep this from Jinsol either - she explains this all to Hyunjin, who bows her head, her expression scrunched up like she’s about to cry again.

“Why don’t we do this?” Sooyoung suggests. “We’ll do something nice for her and then we’ll tell her, okay? I’ll help you.”

She waits, and finally Hyunjin nods. Sooyoung helps Hyunjin blow her nose into another piece of tissue.

“Why don’t we play a bit before we go home? Aunty Jinsol can wait a few hours for us.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.” And Sooyoung laughs as Hyunjin jumps to her feet, ideas on what to do already bubbling forth in sentences that trip over each other.

They return home to find Jinsol sitting and staring at the wall, her fingers tapping a rapid beat on the table. Sooyoung nudges Hyunjin, who holds the rose in her hand like a treasure, handing it to a surprised Jinsol.

“Hyunjin chose this for you,” says Sooyoung, shaking her head subtly at Jinsol.

Jinsol is perceptive enough to catch Sooyoung’s hint; instead of launching into questions, she smiles and lavishes hugs and kisses on Hyunjin so much that the girl is beaming ear-to-ear when Jinsol is done with her.

“Dinner is ready,” says Jinsol, patting Hyunjin on the rear. “Go and wash up and get Yerim.”

Yeojin is already in her high chair, watching Sooyoung with wide eyes as she greets the baby with a kiss at the top of her head.

“So what happened?” asks Jinsol, once Hyunjin is out of earshot.

“Hyunjin got into a fight with three boys.”

“_ Three _ boys?”

Sooyoung chuckles at Jinsol’s shock. “Yeah. Three boys. Sent them to the medical bay and everything.”

“Shit! Oh my god, I am so sorry you had to deal with that.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I don’t mind. And I think Hyunjin didn’t want to worry you…” Sooyoung studies Jinsol’s face closely. “Have you ever spoken to Hyunjin properly about her parents?”

Jinsol groans and pinches the bridge of her nose. “No… I’ve been so worried about keeping them physically alive, I barely have enough time to even think about anything else.” She frowns. “Is this what this is about?”

“I think the other kids in school might be taunting Hyunjin about her parents.”

She watches Jinsol sag visibly, looking like she’s aged five years in the span of a minute. Jinsol seems so defeated that Sooyoung feels the urge to reach over and envelop her in a hug.

“Are the boys’ parents angry?”

“I don’t think so. The principal said they stopped the fight before it could turn bad, and I’m sure the boys were at fault themselves. Jinsol… You’re trying your best. Don’t beat yourself up.”

After a long pause, Jinsol nods. “You’re right,” she says. “I’ll talk to Hyunjin. Thanks for picking her up.”

“Anytime.”

And Jinsol smiles at her with so much fondness that Sooyoung feels her heart speed up. It’s really not fair, she thinks. It’s really not fair.

*

Amid the craziness of the week, the Day arrives. She is, of course, referring to Zoo Day. It’s all the children can talk about for two weeks, and it has even infected Sooyoung, who finds herself unreasonably excited for something she should theoretically be over for at least 15 years now.

Hyunjin chatters about the animals the entire way there, about the lions and the elephants and the gorillas she wanted to see, and how they learned all about it during class last week; Sooyoung has learned over the past five months that Hyunjin in unusually fond of animals, and that they’re the only thing that can keep her calm and attentive for more than fifteen minutes straight.

Hyunjin’s excitement aside, she’s actually expecting it to be a nice relaxing day. Just her, and Jinsol, and the kids.

Which is why she stops short when she sees who is waiting for them at the gates to the zoo.

Vivi.

No _ fucking _ way.

“Oh, Jinsol!” Vivi is dressed in shades of pastel from head to toe, looking like if a unicorn barfed and went through an Instagram filter. Her outfit could have been picked off a model catalogue, and her stupid hair is perfectly coiffed.

Sooyoung suddenly feels sloppy in her ripped mom jeans and pink cherry sweater.

“Aunty Vivi!” Yerim and Hyunjin run to her, their tiny hands grabbing at the bag of popcorn in her arms. “Is that for us?”

Vivi laughs and hugs them. “Only if you’re good,” she says, and then she winks at Jinsol.

Sooyoung nearly crushes the plastic water bottle in her hands.

Hyunjin is practically hanging off Vivi’s arm as they make their way to the entrance of the zoo, where a long queue is already starting to snake around the metal barricades. Jinsol is pushing Yeojin in her pram and talking to Vivi, leaving Sooyoung to trail behind them like some sort of 19th century servant.

Then she feels a tiny hand in hers.

“I’ll hold your hand, Aunty Sooyoung,” says Yerim magnanimously, and Sooyoung has never been so glad to be patronised before.

The attendant at the line glances at all six of them as she punches their tickets. “Family day out with the aunt, huh?” she asks, addressing Vivi and Jinsol.

_Aunt._

Sooyoung plasters on a huge fake smile as Vivi blathers on about merely being family friends, and how they’re all very happy to babysit the kids for a day while their parents take a break.

Finally, they get in - and Sooyoung audibly groans as she sees what else awaits them on the other side.

It’s Jungeun and Jiwoo.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she mutters out of the corner of her mouth to Jiwoo, as Jungeun greets Jinsol and Vivi. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We wanted to spend a nice day out with the kids,” explains Jiwoo. “Uh… I didn’t realise it was a problem.” She turns to Yerim and coos - “Hello, Yerim, did you miss me?” - laughing as Yerim nods, stretching her arms out for Jiwoo to carry her.

“She’s too old to be…” Sooyoung’s protest trails off as she watches Jiwoo bounce Yerim in her arms.

Meanwhile, Jungeun is carrying Yeojin, leaving Jinsol and Vivi to walk side-by-side with Hyunjin and the empty pram.

Great, thinks Sooyoung. Just great.

Two hours later, Sooyoung is exhausted. Seoul Grand Park is _ massive _, and while they’ve only covered a quarter of the zoo - the better quarter, jokes Vivi - Sooyoung’s feet and legs are already aching.

“Wait, wait,” she says, “I need a break.”

Jungeun lets out a large, relieved sigh. “Thank god. I thought I was about to collapse.”

“These kids have too much energy,” says Vivi, chuckling. She takes a seat next to Sooyoung and Sooyoung immediately stiffens.

She hasn’t talked much to Vivi all day, choosing to hang behind with Jungeun and Jiwoo. Not only does she have nothing to say to Vivi, she has absolutely no desire to talk to her, not when she’s been giggling with Jinsol the entire time. Except, well, the only drawback is that Jungeun and Jiwoo are one of those disgustingly _cute_ couples, and Sooyoung kind of wants to barf a little after hearing them baby-talk each other.

“You’re old,” says Hyunjin. She stands in front of Sooyoung and crosses her arms. “I thought you were the same age as Aunty Jinsol.”

Jinsol is, annoyingly, still chipper. She doesn’t even look tired at all. 

“I’m a little older.”

“Come on, it’s just one week older,” teases Jinsol. “How are you going to keep up with Yeojin when she starts walking properly?”

“Oh, leave her alone,” says Vivi. “You could barely function without ten hours of sleep in high school.”

“Did not!”

Sooyoung pinches her nose, fighting her discomfort as Jinsol and Vivi get into a childish argument about Jinsol’s high school sleep schedule. She’s never wanted to get out of a situation sooner.

“Gross, they’re like an old married couple,” says Jungeun.

A little rich, coming from Jungeun.

“You act like that all the time,” retorts Jiwoo.

And great, now Sooyoung has two squabbling - she refuses to use the word couple - pairs on either side of her. She’s starting to feel a lot like a fifth wheel.

On the bright side, the kids are here with her. Yerim climbs into Sooyoung’s lap, and sticks her tongue out at Hyunjin, who forces herself into the tiny space between Sooyoung and Vivi instead.

“Aunty Sooyoung, how smart are gorillas?” asks Hyunjin.

“Very smart. They’re one of our closest relatives.”

“Yeah, but how smart?”

“Some gorillas can learn sign language. Some of them have pets.”

“Like cats?” Hyunjin’s eyes are wide.

“Exactly,” Sooyoung laughs. “Like cats.”

“You want to see the gorillas, don’t you, Hyunjin?” Jinsol reaches out and strokes Hyunjin’s hair, exchanging glances with Sooyoung. There’s a fond smile on her face that makes Sooyoung’s stomach flip.

“Yes! Can we go now?” Hyunjin jumps up and pulls Jinsol ahead by the hand.

Sooyoung and Vivi both chuckle as Yerim, Jungeun, and Jiwoo also begin moving, leaving the two of them lagging behind.

“They’re cute, aren’t they?” asks Vivi. “Jinsol and the kids together, I mean. I wish I had more time to spend with them, but I’m just so busy running my new cafe that I thought it would just be better to move out.’

“Move out?”

“Oh! I used to live with them, back when Jinsol first started looking after the kids.”

Wait. What?

“How long?”

“Just a couple of weeks, really. And we decided that it was better for her to receive some extra money from renting too.”

Oh. Of course. _ We decided _. There’s a sinking feeling in Sooyoung’s stomach. She doesn’t quite know what she expected; of course she was just a renter to them. What was she even thinking?

And it certainly doesn’t help that Vivi ditches her to rejoin Jinsol and Hyunjin, putting an arm around Jinsol’s shoulder while holding onto Hyunjin’s hand.

Of course.

*

She returns to work subdued and brooding. Everyone takes one look at her and immediately gives her a wide berth as she plugs her airpods in and works furiously without a break. She’s learned over the years that work is the best way of distracting herself.

She loses herself in the legalese, the tiny details of each prior case, shaping her argument like an invisible hand putting the pieces of the puzzle together for her. Cheating. Millionaire. Money.

She turns up the volume of Wonder Girls and bops her head until the music suddenly stops, and Haseul is standing over her with her airpods in her hands, frowning.

“What’s the matter with you today?”

“Leave me alone.”

“You’ve been sulking ever since you came into the office. What’s your problem?”

“Nothing. Just leave me alone.”

“Problems at home?”

Sooyoung keeps quiet. Like a vulture, Haseul’s eyes light up, and she drags her chair over to Sooyoung’s cubicle, eager for a touch of gossip to brighten her work day with.

She _ really _ doesn’t want to tell Haseul. But it has also been eating away at her for the entire weekend and most of Monday, and she’s sick of being stuck in her own head, the sound of Vivi and Jinsol’s laughter echoing over and over again like a broken CD.

Sooyoung sighs. “It’s nothing. I think Jinsol and her boss are dating - or at least, want to date.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t think they’re together-_together _, but they clearly like each other.”

Haseul’s lips form an ‘o’, carrying the hungry expression of a gossip locking on to their next meal. “Scandalous. Wait, so why are you upset?”

Sooyoung shrugs. She’s been turning this over in her head all weekend, and she’s come to the conclusion that it’s a question that she would like the answer to herself.

Haseul nods sagely. “Are you worried that you’re going to be single forever?”

Uh… Sooyoung hasn’t quite thought about it like that. But maybe that was it? It’s the most plausible explanation she’s heard so far. Maybe a detached observer like Haseul might have more insight into her own swirling thoughts, she thinks.

“Maybe.”

“See, that’s why you should go for the mixer. You’re getting too into this domestic thing. You should be playing the field, not playing house.”

Sooyoung supposes Haseul isn’t wrong. She is invested - maybe _ too _ invested - in Jinsol and the kids. She’s spent her weekends cleaning up poop and vomit and teaching first grade mathematics, and she can’t remember a single time when she’s taken a weekend for herself and herself only.

And, she reminds herself with an aching certainty, she’s just a tenant. An additional income for Jinsol and Vivi to raise the kids with.

“Fine,” she says finally. “You’re right. I should get out there more. I’ll go.”

“Perfect!” Haseul beams. “Saturday night at six then!”

Yeah, maybe she does need another hobby other than running after three kids - none of whom are even her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're treading into angst territory with this. 
> 
> thank you for all the kudos and comments - as always, they make my day. let me know what you think, fav parts, anything you want to see happen in future chapters in the comments/twt/cc: @jinsoulling


	4. interlude

As a child, Jinsol has always thought of her life in futures and decades: her teens, her twenties, her thirties, beyond.

Growing older, it sharpens into years: the next five years, the next two years, the next year. Plans and dreams that she sketches out elaborately in her mind, like the architect of a grand megapolis.

Now, her world narrows into weeks and days. Weeks where she’s just counting numbers in her bank accounts, days of waiting tables until the kids are old enough to care for themselves.

In fact, her life has taken on so much regularity that few things surprise her anymore.

*

Jinsol’s weekdays usually go like this:

5am -

Wake up, check on Yeojin. Start with her morning coffee before preparing breakfast and lunch.

7am -

Spend 10 minutes trying to wake Hyunjin and Yerim up. Make sure they’ve packed their school bags, completed their homework, and brought their lunches. Send them off to take the school bus.

8.30am -

Leave Yeojin in the living room with the TV on. Wash each dish by hand, because the dishwasher has been broken for ages, and she’s never quite had the extra cash to get it fixed. 

8.45am -

Tidy Hyunjin’s and Yerim’s room. On a good day, she would only have to make the bed and pick up clothes, but on a bad day, she feels a little bit like a rubbish collector in the middle of a garbage dumpster.

9.30am -

Pack Yeojin’s bag for infant care. This means preparing two extra pairs of diapers, warm milk placed in an insulated bag, and a clean set of clothes just in case Yeojin pukes all over herself again.

10am -

Change Yeojin. This sometimes can range from easy to disastrous, depending on how fussy Yeojin can be that day. It’s disastrous most days.

10.30am -

Drop Yeojin off at infant care, before going to work. It usually takes her about ten minutes or so to get Yeojin to let go of her.

“It’s strange,” the teacher would say. “Most children stop having separation anxiety after the first month.”

Jinsol doesn’t quite know how to explain that they’re not quite like ‘most’ families.

11am -

Hurry into work, usually 5 to 10 minutes late because of Yeojin’s fussing. Everyone else would already be rushing around, readying the cafe for the crowd of hungry office workers, descending upon the cafe like hyenas to gazelles.

If she’s unlucky - which is most days - she’ll be coming in once preparations have started full-swing, and her colleagues would give her dirty looks, the ones that brand her as a slacker and a bootlicker. She knows they’re unhappy with how Vivi treats her differently, but she refuses to let herself get affected; she needs this job to keep the family going.

12pm -

Try not to collapse while serving customers. Her colleagues would load her trays with the most number of items, send her to the most difficult tables, but she doesn’t complain. If that’s what it takes for them to feel better, she can live with that.

The customers aren’t much better. They’re salaried workers with a little bit of status and money, and for most, it’s enough for them to throw their weight around like they’re corporate bigwigs.

It’s a good day if she only gets yelled at once; for most, it happens two to three times each shift.

2pm -

Start on the mountain of dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. Post-lunch is a streamlined, assembly line-style affair. Each person gets a single station, and for Jinsol, it’s often the most tiring part of it: the scrubbing.

Each dish has to be scrubbed clean of all food debris within half a minute, so that the chain can continue in an unbroken, regular fashion.

Meanwhile, Vivi and two dinner shift staff members would man the front, taking coffee orders and brewing thick arabica-roast espresso shots. Jinsol very much prefers the labour of waiting tables - she’s never really liked coffee that much, although she’s basically been living off it for the past year.

3pm -

Help with dinner prep. The chef is a demanding, aggressive slip of a woman, with reportedly 20 years of experience in fine dining before deciding to make the shift to a smaller establishment.

While Jinsol doubts her credentials very much, she cooks well, and so Vivi is happy to keep her around, lies included. But what makes her unbearable is her constant shouting, and if there’s one thing that unites Jinsol and her fellow waiters, it’s their shared dislike of the woman.

4pm -

End her shift. She has a window of half an hour to pick Yeojin up and return home to catch Hyunjin and Yerim as their school buses drop them off. Most of the time she doesn’t make it: Hyunjin, Yerim and Hyejoo would hang out at the bus stop together, swinging their legs as Jonghyun waits for Jinsol to arrive.

4.30pm -

Bath time. Jinsol’s least favourite part of the day. Hyunjin _ hates _ bathing, no matter how disgusting she gets after soccer practice, and it’s always an uphill battle to get her to take a bath before dinner. But at least Hyunjin can take her own showers.

Jinsol has to place Yeojin and Yerim in the bath together, pile it high with toys and bubbles to keep the both of them distracted as she shampoos and soaps them down. Yeojin loves splashing water; most times, Jinsol emerges from the bathroom completely drenched, with two happy (and dry) ducks.

5.30pm -

Leave the kids to play while she starts cooking. At least she can trust Hyunjin and Yerim to look after Yeojin properly, though this usually translates into all three of them watching evening cartoons together. Sometimes she feels guilty for letting the TV rot their brains; most times, she’s just glad for the silence.

6.30pm -

Serve dinner. Sooyoung usually doesn’t come home till (earliest) 9pm, and so Jinsol sets food aside for her in the warmer. 

As they eat, Hyunjin and Yerim will tell her about their day, while Jinsol feeds Yeojin in between bites of her own dinner.

Hyunjin’s stories are usually about Heejin and soccer practice. There’s been a new cast member recently - Ryujin - but Hyunjin doesn’t have nice things to say about her, because she’s always trying to ‘steal’ Heejin away. Jinsol tries not to smile whenever the topic of Ryujin comes up.

Yerim has been sharing less recently. Jinsol has to prod her for stories, and even then it’s short. School has been fine, she’s still friends with Hyejoo, and they’ve been learning how to add. It’s a little worrying, and Jinsol makes a mental note to speak to Yerim’s teacher at the next parent-teacher conference.

7.30pm -

Leave the kids to work on their homework while she washes the dishes and does the laundry. There are always too many things to wash at the end of the day - dishes, lunchboxes, milk bottles, uniforms, sports attires, baby clothes, her own clothes… 

In between the washing, she checks on the kids at the dining table, (hopefully) working on their homework. Yerim usually finishes hers quickly - Jinsol never worries about her - but getting Hyunjin to do her work is like pulling teeth.

“Hyunjin… It’s been ten minutes and you haven’t started on the next question.”

Hyunjin whines.

Jinsol sighs. “You know, you could have gone off to play like Yerim if you focused and finished these quickly.”

Hyunjin usually sulks at this point, but at least she starts working on the next question.

9pm -

Send the kids to the bathroom to wash up. She helps Yeojin brush her only two teeth, all while keeping a close eye on Hyunjin and Yerim.

Sometimes, Sooyoung comes home early, and the kids will rush over to greet her, Jinsol hot on their heels. She tries her best to ignore the little leap in her chest at the sight of Sooyoung in her wrinkled suit, peeling off her shoes and talking to the kids with a tired smile.

Jinsol would remind the kids to get ready for bed, and Sooyoung would look up at her and smile, and Jinsol gets a tiny burst of dopamine each time.

She lays Yeojin to sleep in her crib first before tucking Hyunjin and Yerim in. She reads them a story, and soon enough they fall fast asleep.

10pm -

Now that the house is quiet, Jinsol starts folding and ironing. The repetitive movements are therapeutic; mindless activity that lets her rest.

On days Sooyoung is home early, they’ll put on some music and talk. On days she stays out late, Jinsol hums to herself.

She’s discovered many things about Sooyoung over the past couple of months. That she’s an only child who has incredibly overbearing parents; that she likes music and dance; and that talking to her feels dangerously easy, almost like they’ve known each other all their lives.

11.30pm -

With the day’s chores finally done, Jinsol takes a bath. It’s her favourite time of the day. A full half hour where she rinses herself thoroughly, feeling the grime and exhaustion of the day slough off her with the torrents of water.

She dries her hair and sits on her bed, staring into the ceiling as she refuses to contemplate the week ahead. 

Five days a week, rinse and repeat. Her schedule never changes. But occasionally, she gets the rare day off, when Vivi realises she’s scheduled too many people for one shift, and she’s prioritised Jinsol too many times at the expense of the other employees.

By late autumn, most of the trees are bare. Jinsol walks along the grey pebbled paths, leaves crunching under her feet, the cool wind nibbling at the tip of her nose.

There’s scarce few people around at this time of the day. Mostly, she sees older people walking in and out of the building, their white hair and grey coats whipping in the wind.

The grey building stretches across the middle of the park like an old sturdy rock. Lined with reddish bushes, the columbarium welcomes her like an old friend, its corridors and stairs intimately familiar to her.

“Mom, Dad, Unnie, I’m here.”

Plastic wrapping crinkles in her fingers as she places the sunflower by her sister’s picture. They’re all here - her parents, her sister, and her brother-in-law - and she takes a moment to study their faces, frozen in their happiest moments, forever young. They’ll continue staying young while she ages, and that seems like the greatest injustice of all.

“Unnie, I know I haven’t been to see you in a while. Things have been really crazy recently. I’m going to bring the kids with me next time - you’ll be surprised at how much they’ve grown up.

“Hyunjin joined the soccer team recently. I think she’s really enjoying it - it helps her get rid of all her extra energy and she's a lot less angry now.

“Yerim is so sweet and understanding. She reminds me exactly of Minkyu-oppa. She has his temper - and a good thing too. I can’t imagine if both Hyunjin and Yerim were like you.” She smiles at her own joke.

“And Yeojin… Yeojin is growing up so fast. It feels like yesterday that I visited the hospital and you were carrying her and she was this pink, wrinkled thing, and now she's talking and even starting to run. She's going to be so big soon.”

There’s a painful lump in her throat, and Jinsol forces herself to blink, to breathe past it.

“I keep thinking that it should be you here, you know? It should be the both of you here, raising your own kids. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing.”

She chokes on her words then.

“I just… I don’t know if I’m doing things right. What if I mess up?”

She brushes the back of her hand across her eyes roughly. She didn’t cry when she first got the news of their accident, didn’t cry when she had to identify their bloodied bodies, didn’t cry when she had to bury them. But she finds herself crying often now, the tears coming in her quieter moments. 

And she knows the kids cry too. Sometimes, when she listens in at the door after the children are supposed to have fallen asleep, she hears Hyunjin sniffling to herself. Or the times when Yerim wakes up, thinking that Jinsol is her mother, only to cry when she realises that her parents aren’t coming back.

The worst thing is that she knows they’re trying to stay strong for her. Like they’re the adults here. She hates that they feel the need to do that.

She says a few more words to her parents and brother-in-law before she leaves. She never likes coming here. It always feels too solemn, too sad.

The afternoon sunlight is a welcome respite from the gloominess of the columbarium.

*

Jinsol’s weekends usually go like this:

7am -

Wake up and make breakfast. She gives herself an extra two hours to sleep in on weekends, and it feels good to wake feeling refreshed. While she usually makes breakfast, sometimes she orders in instead, just as a treat for the kids and herself.

8am -

The kids wake up by themselves. Jinsol is usually in the kitchen by the time they find their way to her, rubbing their eyes and complaining that they’re hungry. Jinsol would make them wash up before eating.

9am -

She leaves the kids to their own devices as she washes the dishes and does the laundry. It doesn’t take too long, thankfully, which gives her some time to herself too.

Jinsol usually takes this time to get the kids to read. While Hyunjin absolutely hates it, Yerim takes to reading like a fish to water, devouring book after book after book of simple children’s stories.

Yeojin, meanwhile, loves listening to the voices Jinsol makes as she reads to her.

11am -

Sooyoung usually wanders out at this time, looking adorably dishevelled and sleepy. It’s the long hours at work, Jinsol thinks, and she doesn’t miss how Sooyoung looks happier when she doesn’t have to go in to the office.

The kids would pester Sooyoung to play with them, and while Jinsol tries to keep them under control, it doesn’t take much to make Sooyoung agree. It’s clear that she adores all of them, and for that, Jinsol is grateful.

Sometimes, they paint. Sometimes, Sooyoung takes them to play at the playground downstairs, which gives Jinsol some precious time to herself that she fills with music and movies.

Sometimes - or most of the time now - Jinsol would go with them, sitting side-by-side with Sooyoung at the benches and talking about everything and nothing as they watch the children run around on their own.

(They talked about manga two weeks ago, and Jinsol couldn’t help but laugh as Sooyoung confessed her embarrassing teenage love affair with trashy shoujo manga.

“Sometimes when I’m sad, I still go back to reading Ouran High School Host Club,” Jinsol admits, and Sooyoung groans theatrically like it’s the worst thing she’s ever heard.

“Every day, I learn something new about you that makes me reevaluate our friendship,” says Sooyoung, but she’s grinning, and Jinsol’s heart always quickens at how her entire face lights up when she laughs.)

12.30pm -

They go for lunch together, all five of them. Most of the time, Sooyoung pays. Hyunjin and Yerim take turns to choose a place, but they would inevitably end up with Japanese food or hamburgers- they’re pretty much the only things the children would eat willingly without fussing, after all.

2pm -

She tries to take the children out to do as many different things as they can. Sometimes, it’s the museum. Sometimes, the library.

Sometimes, she takes them to Seoul Forest and teaches them all about the plants and animals, armed with her college-level biology degree. And if Sooyoung is ever impressed… well, it’s not like Jinsol can help being smart.

If there’s a good movie, Jinsol takes them to watch it. Sooyoung likes to come along too; although she often claims she’s just there because the children ask her to, Jinsol knows that she secretly loves children’s films, even though she will never admit to it.

4pm -

Because Hyunjin needs her exercise, Jinsol takes her to the nearby track to run a few laps. Hyunjin has been very enthusiastic about training, mostly because her coach treats her like a star player, and Hyunjin loves the praise, so she pushes herself to perform even better than before.

It reminds Jinsol so much of her sister that she finds her heart aching as she watches Hyunjin run.

5pm -

She starts on dinner. She leaves Sooyoung to keep the kids entertained as she chops and dices and boils and steams. 

6.30pm -

With Sooyoung around, dinner feels a lot less empty. The children love talking to her, and she loves talking to them too, and it’s times like these where Jinsol is content to just sit back and listen.

8pm -

More downtime. Jinsol takes the opportunity to catch up with some chores, like sweeping and mopping the entire house, so that she won’t have to worry about it for the rest of the week.

9pm -

Bedtime for the children.

10pm -

Open a bottle of wine. This is Jinsol’s favourite part of the weekend. Ever so often, Sooyoung would come back with a bottle of red wine filched from her office, and they would split it between the both of them, play acting like proper adults except they’re always a hair’s breadth from breaking out into laughter.

(“I don’t think I’ve ever drank grown-up alcohol like this,” Jinsol says, over a block of cheese and a glass of red wine. “It was just straight-up cheap vodka and tequila in college.”

“Please,” snorts Sooyoung. “I’ve drank so much cheap wine in college that I can’t drink any of that fancy stuff they serve at work lunches anymore.”

“I wrote one of my philosophy term papers completely drunk.”

“I turned up for so many tort classes hungover. The worst thing is, I’m pretty sure all my professors knew.”

Jinsol sniggers. She can imagine Sooyoung like that - squinting at the screen, hands over her ears, and groaning ever so often like she’s about to die.

“And look at us now,” says Sooyoung, leaning in close like she’s sharing a secret. “Drinking expensive red wine and eating cheese.”

“Which you stole from your office, by the way.” 

“They won’t even know it’s missing.”

Sooyoung is so close that Jinsol's breath stops and her heart speeds up. They must have drunk a bottle each between them, and she can feel the heat thrumming in her veins, a prickling, heavy awareness of Sooyoung just a few inches away.

“I’m glad I moved in with you,” Sooyoung slurs, sounding immeasurably fond. She leans her head on Jinsol’s shoulder, and Jinsol’s so nervous she feels like she might vomit. “You’re a lot cuter than my previous landlady.”

“You too,” Jinsol whispers. “I’m glad you moved in with us too.”)

11.30pm -

Jinsol showers and goes to bed. Her mind often races with thoughts at this time, and it takes forever for her to fall asleep. Even when she sleeps, her head is full of unsettled dreams.

But not all weekends are made equal, and sometimes, Jinsol’s schedule deviates out of necessity.

Sooyoung has been distant all week, waking up early to rush off without having breakfast with them, locking herself up in her room whenever she’s around, and barely speaking to Jinsol and the kids when she’s out of her room.

The children are confused and upset, and it makes Jinsol’s head hurt.

“Why isn’t Aunty Sooyoung talking to us?” asks Yerim quietly, as Sooyoung disappears into her room after making herself a sandwich. “Is she angry with us?”

“She’s probably just busy, Yerim. You know how Aunty Sooyoung’s job is really busy.”

Yerim nods. At least this explanation is enough to satisfy the kids. But Jinsol has lived for 24 years, and she knows exactly when someone is trying to avoid her. She can’t help but wonder if she’s done something wrong. If Sooyoung simply got tired of playing house with them.

It’s raining today - one of the rare autumn showers - and so they stay at home and do nothing. Jinsol takes out the box of giant legos and builds castles and farms with the kids, devising more and more elaborate stories that have them - or just Hyunjin, really - jumping with excitement.

There’s sudden footsteps in the house, and all four of them turn to look. 

Jinsol pauses in surprise.

Sooyoung is dressed up. A tight knee-length dress falls from her shoulders, complete with black heels and smokey eye make-up. Her hair is curled to perfection, two silver hoops hanging from her ears. She’s clearly dressed for a long night out, and Jinsol feels her stomach sink.

“Aunty Sooyoung, where are you going?” asks Hyunjin, and Sooyoung looks up like a trapped animal.

“Uh… I’m just going out with some friends.” She tries her best to smile, but the corners don’t reach her eyes. 

“Are you going to have dinner with us?”

“No, I don’t think so, Hyunjin. I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t even look Jinsol’s way as she slips her feet into the heels, grabs her clutch, and hurries out of the house.

The mood is suddenly dampened. Both Hyunjin and Yerim look troubled, and Jinsol herself isn’t feeling much better. 

Even Yeojin, baby Yeojin, seems to sense something wrong, and she tugs at the ends of Jinsol’s hair, and says: “Aunty, aunty, aunty.”

It brings Jinsol’s awareness back to the present. She has to keep the mood up, she tells herself. It’s her job to keep things going even if they’re not okay.

“Come on,” says Jinsol brightly. “Looks like the rain has stopped. How about we go for a walk?”

The walk is a good distraction, but it doesn’t help to keep the children’s minds off the fact that for once, Sooyoung isn’t with them by choice. While Sooyoung does occasionally work, she always works at home in full view of the kids, and they're well aware that it's the sheer necessity of duty that keeps one of their favourite people away from them.

But as dinner comes and goes, and the children’s bedtime draw near, Jinsol has to call timeout to their waiting.

“Hyunjin, Yerim, it’s time to sleep.”

“But I haven’t invited Aunty Sooyoung to sports day yet,” protests Hyunjin. 

Every year, Hyunjin’s elementary school would have their sports day sometime in the second semester, in their indoor sports hall, where each class of students would nominate representatives to compete among themselves 

This year, to no one’s surprise, Hyunjin had been nominated to run the 100-metre sprint.

“We’ll just invite her in the morning. Now, go to bed.”

Reluctantly, Hyunjin and Yerim drag themselves to the bathroom, their unhappiness made evident by how slowly they’re moving. It makes Jinsol feel helpless and unwanted.

Sooyoung doesn’t come home that night. It takes Jinsol far too long to fall asleep as she tries not to think about what Sooyoung might be doing this late on a Saturday, and when she wakes up the next day, it’s like she never slept at all.

They’re midway through breakfast when the lock clicks and Sooyoung steps into the house with her heels dangling from her hands, her make-up gone, and her dress wrinkled.

A knot tightens in Jinsol’s chest. 

“Aunty Sooyoung, you didn’t come home last night,” says Hyunjin, from her seat at the table.

Sooyoung looks up sheepishly, and Jinsol sees a patch of red on her collarbone - the start of a bruise forming. 

She forces herself to suck in a deep breath and continue stuffing food into her mouth.

“Yeah. I stayed with a friend last night.”

“Why?”

“I - I didn’t want to disturb you.” 

With her back turned to the door, Jinsol can’t see Sooyoung’s face, but she can see the doubt in Hyunjin’s expression. 

“But you come home late all the time.”

“It was a sleepover. You know, like those you have with Heejin sometimes.”

“Hyunjin,” says Jinsol, a little more sharply than she intended to. “Leave Sooyoung alone. Eat your breakfast.”

There's silence, and then the patter of feet, and they hear the door of Sooyoung's room click shut.

“Aunty Jinsol, why is Aunty Sooyoung so red?”

“Yerim,” says Jinsol firmly. “Eat.”

Sooyoung doesn’t emerge from her room except to go buy food for herself. She doesn't speak to them much at all and Jinsol feels her stomach lurch at Sooyoung’s casual callousness.

Even the kids know that something isn’t quite right. They’re quiet for most of the day, as though careful not to set Jinsol off, and she hates that they feel the need to protect her like that.

This is fine. It’s all fine, she reminds herself. The four of them don’t need anyone else, never needed anyone else in their lives to sympathise or to pity them in the first place. People change their minds all the time. Big deal. Jinsol didn’t live through the death of her parents and her sister to let something like this take her down. 

After all, she’s survived long enough by herself, and she’s going to continue surviving, alone or not.


	5. Chapter 5

So Sooyoung is seeing someone now. 

Sojung is perfect on paper: rich, intelligent, cute, and she never has a bad word to say about anyone, ever. Haseul loves her. 

Sojung is standing by the food table when Sooyoung - quite literally - runs into her at the mixer. 

“Shit,” curses Sooyoung, as her plate of food falls at Sojung’s feet. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Their hands touch over the fallen lobster and shrimp, and the next thing she knows, Sooyoung is at Sojung’s place, gasping as Sojung guides her back onto the bed.

In the morning, Sojung clings on to her arm as she tries to slip out and asks for her number. And the rest, as they say, is history.

*

“You know, Sooyoung, you haven’t been down to visit in a while.”

Sooyoung clutches her phone to her ear in the office’s pantry, trying to keep her voice down and her tone calm as she says, “I’ve been busy, mom.”

“Too busy to visit your own parents?”

“I barely have time to sleep.”

“Right.” That, at the very least, seems to soothe her mother. “My daughter is a lawyer at Jeong & Kim after all. I hope they’re been treating you well.”

Sooyoung stares at the coffee machine with its bright red shell and backlit LED screen, idly pushing the espresso capsules around it with a finger. 

“I don’t know. It’s hard. Mr Jeong is really tough.”

There’s a silence, and Sooyoung waits. There’s a part in her, a part that’s still six no matter how old she’s gotten, that yearns despite herself for some understanding, some warmth from her exacting mother.

After a short pause, Sooyoung’s mother says: “I told you to work for your father. I don’t understand why you had to go all the way to Seoul to slog for someone else. No, I think you should quit and come back now. I’ll tell your father to find a position for you.”

Sooyoung sighs. What did she expect? “Mom, I’m not leaving Seoul. I called because you left five voice messages and ten missed calls on my phone.”

“Only because you never call your parents anymore. We raised you for 24 years, and for what? A daughter who leaves for Seoul and never calls?”

“Mom…” Sooyoung can feel a headache coming on. _ This _ is why she never calls.

“Listen to me, Sooyoung. Hand in your resignation letter. We’ll find you a good position here in Busan. There’s also someone your father wants you to meet, he - ” Her voice gets cut off as Sooyoung ends the call.

She’s going to get hell for it later, but the sheer pettiness of the action is totally worth it.

*

It’s Sojung’s birthday on Friday, and Sooyoung agrees to go on a date with her. She isn't exactly excited, but she's glad for a night off which she doesn't have to spend thinking about Jaden and this new client of his.

That morning, she wakes up earlier than usual and hurries out of the house without exchanging a word with Jinsol. Jinsol is hard at work making breakfast for the kids as Sooyoung patters her way into the kitchen; other than a brief flinch, neither of them acknowledge the other's presence. They haven’t spoken in a while, and the tension is getting to the kids too, who have folded in among themselves like a threatened armadillo.

Sooyoung buys breakfast along the way instead, and makes it into the office a full half hour earlier than her regular time. Even Haseul looks impressed when she comes in.

“You’ve been quite the model employee lately, haven't you?”

“What?”

“Coming in at 8.30, staying late even when you don’t have to - I’m impressed.” The corner of her mouth curls. “It doesn’t have anything to do with your new girlfriend, right?”

“She’s not my girlfriend. We’re not even dating exclusively.”

She knows this because she has seen Sojung’s phone light up with texts from other people, but other than a tiny twinge of annoyance, it doesn’t bother her, not really. It’s strange.

“Well, why not? She’s amazing.”

“Haseul.” At this point, Sooyoung is getting really tired of everyone else’s two cents. “Leave it. I’ll figure it out myself.”

“Oh. I’m sorry - I meant well.”

“I know, but please, just…” She struggles for the right words. “It just feels weird to take the next step. Doesn’t feel right.”

“But didn’t you want this?”

Did she? Her reasons for dating Sojung seem further and further away, and she can’t even remember the reasoning that led her down this path anymore. All she knows that this is what she thought she wanted and now she’s not so sure anymore.

Haseul seems to sense her frustration. “You’ll figure it out,” she says, laying a hand on Sooyoung’s shoulder. “Don’t worry too much about it.”

Jaden calls for a meeting as soon as he strides into the office, his hair coiffed, his suit ironed, and the heels of his oxfords thumping on the carpeted floor.

He’s more put together than normal, and that, Sooyoung knows, means that a new important client is on the horizon. After all, Jaden doesn’t dress up for just anyone.

All ten junior lawyers file into the meeting room, their laptops open and their notebooks out. Jaden has a habit of yelling at anyone who looks like they're skiving off, and all of them have learned to start taking notes as furiously as possible just to avoid any sort of scolding.

“I’m having a meeting with a new client this afternoon,” he announces. “We have an entertainment company being tried for money laundering. This is going to be big, so I would need all of you to work twenty times harder than you are currently working. I, and the senior partners, will have to juggle multiple defendants, so I expect it to be all hands on deck.”

The juniors lawyers are all trying not to look at each other. They know what this means: burning through lunch, nights, weekends, losing all semblance of their social lives.

“Enjoy your weekend,” says Jaden, standing. “Because the fun starts from Monday.”

As soon as he exits, all ten of them groan.

“Fuck. If that stupid billionaire wasn’t bad enough…”

“I have friends working for the public prosecutor’s office, and even they have better hours than us.”

“At least we’re not working for Jaden…”

And then, with looks of supreme pity, the other eight lawyers direct their gazes to both Sooyoung and Haseul, who are trying their best to look impassive and collected.

“I’m sorry,” says Jaebum, patting Sooyoung’s shoulder. “On the bright side, Jaden does train you well.”

Sooyoung merely sighs.

She meets Jiwoo and Jungeun for lunch, mostly because they’re in the area, and Sooyoung has a long-standing habit of treating the both of them to lunch if they come to visit her.

It used to be just Jiwoo, but with the addition of Jungeun, her wallet always feels ten times lighter. It’s not great, so she’s glad they only show up together one in a blue moon.

They make their way to a tonkatsu restaurant just beside the subway station and grab a table for four.

“So…” says Jiwoo, as they take their seats at the table. “You kind of fell off the face of the planet for the past couple of weeks. You’re dating someone?”

Sooyoung stiffens. “How did you know?”

“We talk to Jinsol, you know," says Jungeun.

“We don’t see you for two weeks and you suddenly have a girlfriend? What about Jinsol?” asks Jiwoo.

The name sends a jolt through Sooyoung’s stomach and she frowns. “What do you mean what about Jinsol?”

“I, uh…” Jiwoo glances at Jungeun. “What I mean is…”

“What she means is that the kids are saying that you don’t spend any time at home anymore,” says Jungeun, catching Jiwoo’s hand on the table.

“I’ve been busy.”

The space between Jungeun’s eyebrows wrinkle. “With your new girlfriend?”

“I…” Sooyoung glances helplessly between both Jungeun and Jiwoo. “Yeah. I guess.”

There’s a long drawn-out moment of silence, and Sooyoung hunches her shoulders and slouches into her seat. She knows it’s a flimsy excuse - it’s not even a logical one - and she wonders what Jungeun and Jiwoo must be thinking.

“Look, why don’t we just order?” asks Jiwoo finally, and signals to a nearby waiter.

Orders placed, Jiwoo takes control of the conversation. “How’s work? Jaden still giving you a hard time?”

Sooyoung feels herself relax. Work. She can talk about work. “It’s fine. Same as usual. We’re getting a new case next week, and Jaden says he expects us to work twenty times as hard.”

“_Twenty times _? Don’t you already work till midnight most days?”

“More like 10, but yeah. I don’t know how we’re going to survive the next few months. Maybe I’ll just sleep over in the office.”

“Why don’t you just quit?”

Sooyoung fidgets with her hands under the table. “I don’t know. I want to, but I’m worried. I haven’t worked a year yet, I don’t really have anything else lined up, and at least this pays well…”

“But if it makes you this miserable…” 

Thankfully, the waiter interrupts Jiwoo at this moment with their food. Because Sooyoung knows that Jiwoo has a point.

She’s miserable, she dreads waking up on weekdays, and she doesn’t have anything else other than her job going on in her life right now. But quitting isn’t simply a matter of throwing a letter onto Jaden’s table and storming off. She has a life here that needs to be paid for: food, clothes, rent, and she’d rather die than go slinking back to Busan, under her parents’ thumb for another 19 years.

So instead, Sooyoung changes the topic: “How is your collab with SM going?”

“Oh.” Jiwoo pokes at her rice. “Not great. They want us to cut back on our ‘style’ - whatever that means - because it doesn’t really fit with the singer’s image. I’m starting to think that this wasn’t as great as we thought it was.”

“Hey.” Jungeun nudges Jiwoo. “SM isn’t that great anyway - you might have dodged a bullet there.”

“Yeah,” Sooyoung finds herself echoing. “Maybe it’s not a bad thing to find out that it was something you didn’t want after all.”

She feels Jungeun’s eyes on her for a split second, an unreadable expression on her face, but it’s gone so fast that Sooyoung can’t figure out if she’s only imagined it.

At half past six, Sooyoung slips out unnoticed. Jaden and their other senior partners have long left for the day, and so she remains unaccosted as she makes her way down the lifts with the other home-bound employees, spilling out into the grey marbled lobby.

The blaring of a horn draws her attention out front.

A large yellow sports car sits in the driveway, clogging up traffic as a distressed security guard attempts to wave it away, but Sojung seems to only have eyes for Sooyoung as she rolls down the window, lifts her sunglasses, and grins at her.

Mortified, Sooyoung hurries into the passenger seat, trying her best to ignore the pointed stares from the guard and the other people by the driveway. “How long have you been here?”

“Not long, only fifteen minutes. That man is really upset, isn’t he?”

“Upset might be an understatement.”

Sojung guides the car out of the driveway and rolls onto the road with a sudden burst of speed that has all the cars slamming on their brakes with loud screeches and Sooyoung clings desperately to the sides of her seat.

“Sorry,” laughs Sojung. “I like to drive fast.”

Sooyoung wonders if this might be her last moments: trapped in an ugly yellow sports car, dressed in a stiff suit, with a crazy girl going twice over the speed limit of what is clearly a slow-moving road.

Her mother would die of shame.

Well. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“How was work today?” asks Sojung, once they’re begin cruising at a more regular speed.

“It’s okay. Not too bad.” She and Haseul only got yelled at ten times, but Sooyoung doesn’t want to dampen Sojung’s mood, not when she’s this excited. Which reminds her. “I got you a present.”

Sojung’s eyes widen as Sooyoung takes out the present. But before she can take her hands off the steering wheel to grab it, Sooyoung snatches it away. “Eyes on the road.”

“What is it?”

“It’s the necklace you were eyeing.”

“From last weekend?” They pull to a stop at a red light, and Sojung beams as she takes it out and put it on herself. “You remembered,” she says, and she leans in to kiss the corner of Sooyoung’s mouth - just innocent enough to be friendly, but too close to be purely platonic.

Sojung looks almost expectant, wanting, when she pulls back a hair’s breadth, but then the green light comes on and Sooyoung exhales as she nudges Sojung to take the wheel again.

“Where are we going, exactly?”

“My favourite cafe,” says Sojung. “They’re famous for their coffee, but I’m also a big fan of their food. It’s just a twenty minute drive from your office.”

They cut through lanes and make abrupt turns on roads, and soon they glide into a very familiar neighbourhood.

No way, no way, no way, Sooyoung tells herself, as they drive into a parking lot and they both clamber out of the car.

But sure enough, Sojung guides her down an alleyway, and Sooyoung immediately recognises the blue and pink facade and the weather-beaten sign hung over the handle of the door.

_ Vivi’s Cafe_. 

She has only ever been here once, when Jinsol worked that one weekend and the kids insisted on going to visit her and Aunty Vivi. Now, it seems to loom up over her, and Sooyoung’s stomach starts to twist the closer they get.

Maybe Vivi won’t be there today, she tells herself. Maybe if she's lucky for once.

The bells on the glass door tickle as Sojung pushes her way through, and one of the baristas look up - and of course, it’s Vivi. 

Sooyoung takes a half-step further from Sojung. She can see the interplay of emotions on Vivi’s face: recognition, then confusion, then a careful blankness as she greets them with an employee’s detachment.

“Good evening. Table for two?”

She can feel Sojung looking at her, assessing, wondering. She can’t tell what Vivi is thinking. There’s a coolness in the way she speaks to Sooyoung that wasn’t there the last time, but she doesn’t betray much other than that.

The rest of the cafe is full. It’s mostly full of couples gazing at each other over plates of pasta and pizza, their voices soft and their hands touching. Occasionally, the one group of friends would break into raucous laughter, but it’s not enough to dampen the romantic atmosphere that seems to settle over this little corner shop.

Thank god Jinsol isn’t on shift right now, Sooyoung finds herself thinking. She cracks open the menu.

Jinsol would be at home with the kids now, wouldn’t she? Making dinner for them, helping them with their homework, listening to them talk about their day in school? Hyunjin would be talking about Heejin and Ryujin again, and Yerim would talk about her teacher - pretty and kind Mrs Do who always has sweets for everyone - and Yeojin would giggle and mumble the ever-growing number of words she knows.

“Sooyoung?” Sojung and Vivi are staring at her. “You ready to order?”

“Oh. Uh…” She fumbles with the pages. “I’ll just have a carbonara please.”

As soon as Vivi disappears, Sojung asks: “Do you know her?”

“Huh?”

“The waitress. She was looking at you like she knew you.”

“She’s… she’s a friend of Jinsol. We met several times, but we’re not familiar with each other.”

“Who is Jinsol?”

“Oh.” Sooyoung forgets that Sojung doesn’t know. It’s just that Jinsol has been all she can worry about the past few weeks that she can’t imagine anyone not knowing who she is. “Jinsol is my landlady.”

“The one with the kids?”

“Nieces. But yes, she’s looking after the three of them.”

“Sounds like there’s a story there.” Sojung is leaning forward in her seat, her chin resting in her palm as she watches Sooyoung closely. There’s something in her gaze that Sooyoung doesn’t like - it’s curious, knowing. Sojung is too intelligent sometimes, and the thought of being stripped down to the bare essentials of herself, the naked truth, is something that makes Sooyoung squirm.

“It’s nothing. I had a leak in my roof eight months ago, and I needed to move somewhere else quick. My friend knew of a spare room in Jinsol’s place, so I moved in.”

“What happened to the children’s parents?”

“They died. I don’t know the details, but I think it was a really bad car accident.” Sooyoung traces the edge of the table with her finger. “Jinsol took them in a year and a half ago.”

“What are their names?”

“The oldest is Hyunjin. She’s seven. She’s a difficult kid, but she has such a good heart and takes care of her sisters so well.” Sooyoung thinks of Hyunjin and the way she cried that day at the Han River, begging Sooyoung not to tell Jinsol about her fight with the boys.

“And Yerim - she’s five, and just so sweet.. She was the first one who made me feel welcome when I first moved in. And Yeojin is almost two. She was so small when I met her and now she’s running around and even saying proper words. She’s going to grow up to be a beautiful girl.”

She smiles and looks up and notices how Sojung is looking at her: thoughtful, like she’s turning something over and over in her head.

“What?”

“Nothing,” says Sojung. “I can see that you adore them.”

Sooyoung swallows; the truth seems to swim up and breaks the surface. “I really do,” she says, feeling her chest expand and grow; but then she remembers her current situation and deflates. “It’s different now.”

“Why?”

She thinks the zoo. She thinks of the 500,000 won she transfers to Jinsol’s account at the start of every month. She thinks of how they haven’t exchanged a word since the day of the mixer. Over Sojung’s shoulder, she can see Vivi in her peripheral vision, wiping down the counter with slow, methodical precision.

“It’s a long story.”

“I have time.”

Sooyoung studies Sojung then, her smooth and straight brown hair, chopped bangs and pastel pink sweetness. She’s completely unlike Jinsol who is all yellow silliness and black moods. An urge strikes her to tell Sojung.

“I stopped talking to Jinsol. It’s stupid,” says Sooyoung. “I got upset when I realised that she didn’t see me as anything more than just a tenant and I decided to distance myself from them because I thought I was getting too emotionally involved. So now it’s awkward because no one is speaking to anyone else. Maybe I should just move out. Save everyone the awkwardness.”

“You could,” says Sojung shrugging. “If you like, you can rent one of my dad’s apartments. He has a whole bunch of them nearby - if I tell him you’re a friend, I’m sure he’ll be happy to give you a discount.”

“Wait, really? But we’ve only known each other a couple of weeks.”

“It’s only renting out an apartment, Sooyoung,” laughs Sojung. “It’s not like I’m gifting you one.” She pauses then smiles like a cheshire cat. “Maybe once we’ve known each other for six months.”

Sooyoung laughs. It’s easy to forget with Sojung - she’s carefree and bubbly, and so far removed from the trappings of everyday living that Sooyoung can just pretend.

At least, until her phone buzzes.

“Jiwoo?” Sooyoung asks, confused.

“Sooyoung, Yerim’s in the hospital. She fainted in school - I don’t know why, Jinsol wasn’t clear. We’re with Hyunjin and Yeojin now, but Sooyoung… I think you should go see them.”

Sooyoung freezes. Jiwoo is still talking, but she sounds further and further away, like she's speaking through the end of a hollow tube, the words bending and refracting around Sooyoung. She can’t process anything other than the fact that Yerim’s in the hospital, hospital, _ hospital_, and she stands and blindly grabs for her bag, heedless of the cup that falls and shatters on the ground.

“Sooyoung? What’s going on?” A hand grips Sooyoung's wrist.

“I… I need to go.” From the corner of her eye, she sees Vivi hurry out from behind the counter, her eyes wide as she meets Sooyoung’s gaze, and she blurts out without thinking, “Yerim’s in the hospital”, and sees Vivi freeze too.

“I can’t leave,” Vivi says helplessly and Sooyoung shakes her head.

“I need a taxi.”

“Sooyoung. Sooyoung.” Sojung is shaking her. “I’ll drive you. Just calm down, okay?”

And then they’re on the highway, zipping past lines of orange bulbs, the colour flashing before Sooyoung’s eyes in a blur. 

She doesn’t even know how or when they reach the hospital, but she’s pulling out her phone and calling Jinsol, and finally, her heart slows, listening to Jinsol’s voice.

“Which room are you in?” she asks. “I’m in the hospital.”

There’s a long pause. “Fifth floor, second room,” Jinsol finally says.

It’s only when she rushes into the lift does she realise Sojung is still with her, and Sojung looks defiant as she says: “I’ve driven you all the way here. I want to make sure the kid’s all right too.”

Whatever. Sooyoung doesn’t care about that right now; she has other things to worry about.

She charges out as soon as the doors open on the fifth floor and slams her way into the second room.

Jinsol and Yerim both look up at her. Jinsol is bent over Yerim, tucking her into the covers, looking pale. Yerim is ghostly pale too - there’s an IV drip attached to her arm, but she looks a lot better than Sooyoung expected.

“Aunty Sooyoung!”

Sooyoung glances from Jinsol to Yerim. Jinsol takes a step to the side, opening up the space by Yerim’s bed, which Sooyoung immediately takes.

“What happened?” she asks Jinsol, combing back the hair from Yerim’s forehead. “Jiwoo told me Yerim fainted in school.”

Up close, Sooyoung can see the exhaustion on Jinsol’s face. She must have rushed straight from work to the hospital, Sooyoung realises, and there’s the stress of making sure there’s someone to babysit both Hyunjin and Yeojin too. She fights the urge to envelop Jinsol in a hug, to take away the pain.

Jinsol sighs. “The doctor says she fainted from hunger.”

Sooyoung glances at Yerim, who is staring at the ground. “You haven’t been eating, Yerim?”

No answer. Sooyoung sighs too. “How long until we can discharge her?”

“Tomorrow. They want to keep her here for observation.”

“Alright.” Sooyoung looks at Jinsol again. “You should rest,” she says. “You look like you’re about to fall asleep on your feet.”

“But Yerim…”

“I’ll look after Yerim. Take the sofa.”

It doesn’t take long to convince Jinsol to lie down, and soon enough both she and Yerim are sound asleep. Sooyoung tucks the blankets into Yerim's bed, drapes her jacket over Jinsol, and leaves the room.

She dials Sojung’s number.

“Hello?”

“You left.”

“I didn’t think you needed me around.”

“I’m sorry,” says Sooyoung. “I kind of ruined your birthday.”

“A little. I’ve never had anyone run out on me like that before. You’re leaving quite an impression on me, Ha Sooyoung.”

“I’m sorry,” is all Sooyoung can say again.

“Don’t. I'll get mad if you apologise again.”

“I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. We can go back.”

Silence. “I don’t think we’ll be meeting again,” says Sojung quietly, after a moment.

Sooyoung pauses. “Why? Are you angry?”

“It’s not that. I just, how do you say it? I don’t think it would be quite fair to either of us if we continued to see each other.”

“I don’t understand.”

Sojung hums and chuckles. “That’s okay. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She pauses, before saying sincerely: “I had fun these three weeks. Thank you, Sooyoung. Call me again when you figure it out, okay?”

The line goes dead before she can even respond, and Sooyoung walks back to the room in a daze, collapsing into the only remaining chair in the ward.


	6. Chapter 6

Ten minutes. It’s been ten minutes since Jinsol left with the doctor for a chat, and Sooyoung is starting to get restless.

The buzz of people in the paediatrics ward doesn’t help. There’s a handful of families here despite the early hour, parents bleary-eyed and sleepy as their children run around under the watchful eye of cheerful animal patterns on the walls.

Yerim, on the other hand, sits beside Sooyoung on the hard plastic chairs, her attention fully focused on killing zombies on Sooyoung’s phone, a game which Sooyoung reluctantly downloaded after weeks of begging.

“Aunty Sooyoung.” Yerim tugs at her sleeve.

“Hm?”

Yerim holds out her phone. “It’s out of battery.”

Great. Sooyoung stares at the flashing empty sign on her screen. “Let’s just sit here and wait for Jinsol patiently, okay?” she asks, pocketing it. “We can read those books there.” She hands one to Yerim absent-mindedly and checks her watch again.

Fifteen minutes now.

Sooyoung contemplates texting Jinsol herself when the door to the consultation room finally slides open and both Jinsol and Dr Shin emerge, their expressions unreadable.

Standing, Sooyoung asks, “Everything okay?”

“Later,” says Jinsol, before turning to Yerim: “Yerim, Dr Shin here wants to talk to you for a minute, okay?”

Yerim glances between Jinsol and Sooyoung - who gives her an encouraging smile - before she nods, uncertain.

They file into the consultation room again, garishly decorated with childish drawings plastered all over the walls. Each one is labelled with a different child’s name.

Unlike Jinsol and Yerim, Sooyoung declines Dr Shin’s offer of a seat, and stands at the back of the group with her arms crossed, back rigid and taut.

Dr Shin starts off by asking Yerim about her favourite subject, her class teacher, if she likes taking afternoon naps, and how she is in charge of packing up after arts and craft class.

Sooyoung’s brow wrinkles with each question, worry rising in the back of her throat, doubt clouding her mind.

With each question, Dr Shin scribbles away in his notes, each scratch of the paper making Sooyoung antsy. All she wants to know is whether they can take Yerim home, whether she’s well enough to go back to school and her friends, but Dr Shin’s questions are starting to worry her.

Sooyoung tries to catch Jinsol’s eye, but Jinsol is staring at Yerim, the corners of her mouth pulled down in a deep frown, her eyebrows knotted.

“I’ll write you a referral letter, Miss Jung,” Dr Shin finally says. “I’ll prescribe you something to balance Yerim’s appetite for the moment.” Then he sets his pen down, takes out a bowl of sweets from under his table and places them in front of Yerim with a wide smile. “Here - one for you, Yerim, for being so patient.”

Yerim glances at Jinsol first. At her nod, she finally digs her fingers in and fishes out a grape-flavoured one.

“Thank you, Dr Shin,” says Jinsol as she leads Yerim out by the hand.

Later, in the subway home, as Yerim sleeps in Sooyoung’s lap, Jinsol drums her fingers on her thigh and says, “Dr Shin referred me to a child psychologist.”

Oh.

Oh no.

Sooyoung stares at her. “What do you mean he referred you to a child psychologist?”

“He thinks Yerim might be depressed. He says that she’s probably been for a few months, but he wanted to be sure.”

Jinsol’s hands are white from squeezing each other in her lap; frowning, Sooyoung reaches out, smoothes them over. “Is this because of what happened to your sister?”

“Probably. He said that sometimes these things just happen and it’s hard to know why it happens to some people and not others.”

“Hey,” says Sooyoung, squeezing Jinsol’s hand in her own. “It’s going to be okay. Yerim will be fine. She’s getting the help she needs, and that’s the most important part.”

“Yeah…” Jinsol trails off and stares at their clasped hands in her lap. “I guess.”

They come home to Jungeun and Jiwoo playing Monopoly with Hyunjin and Yeojin - Jiwoo, Yeojin, and Jungeun obviously losing to Hyunjin, who had amassed her own capitalist horde of hotels and houses.

“You’re back,” says Jiwoo, standing. “How’s everything?”

The adults watch as Hyunjin hurries over to Yerim, fussing over her in an uncharacteristic display of sibling love. Yeojin toddles to Jinsol instead, holding her arms up until Jinsol lifts and carries her.

“Complicated,” is all Jinsol offers.

Jiwoo raises her eyebrows at Sooyoung, but Sooyoung merely shakes her head. 

“Do you need us to stay?”

Jinsol smiles tiredly at Jungeun. “I think we’re good, thanks. You guys probably have things to do.”

Jiwoo and Jungeun exchange looks, but they know better than to argue with Jinsol, not over this. So with hugs, kisses, and promises to take the children out again, the both of them finally leave.

That night, Sooyoung offers to help Jinsol put the girls to sleep. Hyunjin has been unusually kind to Yerim the whole day, offering her snacks and even letting her choose the TV programme after dinner.

“Aunty Sooyoung, is Yerim okay?” Hyunjin whispers in the cover of darkness, after Yerim falls asleep.

Sooyoung closes the book in her lap. “Yerim is a little sad,” she explains. “Sometimes it happens, which is why we’re going to take Yerim to see a doctor who can help with that.”

There’s silence for a moment as Hyunjin seems to process this. “Why does she need to see a doctor?”

“Well…” It’s the first time Sooyoung has really had to explain something like this - and to a child, no less. “It’s like when you have a cold. Usually you don’t have to see a doctor if you’re sad, but sometimes when you don’t know how to make it better, you have to find someone who knows how to help.”

“So will Yerim stop being sad after that?”

“Maybe. It won’t happen immediately. Don’t worry, Jinsol and I will help her get better, but you have to be good for us, okay?”

Hyunjin nods, resolute, and immediately shuts her eyes. “I can sleep by myself, Aunty Sooyoung. You don’t have to stay.”

Sooyoung smiles. “Alright then. Goodnight, Hyunjin.” She leans over to kiss Hyunjin’s forehead, replaces the book on the shelf, and shuts the door gently behind her.

She stretches and pops her aching back as she walks back out into the living room. After spending the whole night bent over in a chair by Yerim’s bed, the muscles in her back have grown stiff from the locked position.

She feels the exhaustion in her neck and shoulders; neither she nor Jinsol got much sleep last night, and she wonders if Jinsol had already gone to sleep.

But she emerges to find Jinsol curled up in herself on the sofa instead.

“Jinsol?”

Jinsol looks up.

“Everything okay?”

A beat. Then two. Then Jinsol shakes her head and buries her face into her knees.

Sooyoung’s heart squeezes painfully. “Hey,” she says, sinking into the seat next to Jinsol. “What’s wrong?”

She hears Jinsol suck in a deep breath, and she waits. Until Jinsol finally says, voice shaking: “I’m a terrible guardian.”

“What? No, you’re not!”

“I didn’t even notice that something was wrong with Yerim,” she insists. “It’s been _ months _, Sooyoung. I thought Yerim was fine - she was the good one, didn’t cause any problems, always helpful, and now look what happened!”

“Jinsol, you couldn’t have known.”

“I’m _ supposed _ to!” Jinsol looks up, and her eyes are red-rimmed and glistening. “I knew she wasn’t eating as much, wasn’t sleeping well, but it just didn’t occur to me that she could be depressed!”

“Jinsol, stop, it’s not your fault! You work, you look after three children, you keep the house running - you can’t expect yourself to know everything, and not at 24!”

She sees Jinsol deflate before her very eyes. “My sister would have known what to do,” she says, her voice thin. “What am I going to do, Sooyoung?”

Sooyoung pauses, her hand on Jinsol’s shoulder. “I don’t know,” she admits, after a moment. “But we’ll figure it out.”

She lets herself look at Jinsol properly - there are bags under her eyes, worry lines on her forehead, and Sooyoung wonder how long it has been since Jinsol allowed herself to rest.

Ever since she moved in, she’s only known Jinsol to work, if not at the cafe then at home with the children. The thought makes Sooyoung’s heart ache. It’s not fair, she thinks. It’s just not fair. 

Without thinking, she blurts out: “When was the last time you took a break?”

Jinsol snorts. “I don’t have time for a break.”

“Exactly,” says Sooyoung. “You need a break. You’re exhausted and stressed out.” As she speaks, her conviction grows. “We should go out - no kids, just do something fun that normal 24 year olds do.”

“Like getting drunk and then dancing all night at a club?” Jinsol asks sceptically, then pauses, blinking.

“Ha, see. We could totally do it.”

“I… But the kids… And I’ll have to trouble Jungeun and Jiwoo again…”

"And you’re not working this Friday either, so it would be perfect!” 

“...actually that doesn’t sound too bad.”

“I’ll ask Jungeun and Jiwoo,” offers Sooyoung, “but I’m sure they’d be delighted to have the kids. They could do a sleepover or something.” She sees Jinsol’s resolve crumbling. “So I’ll ask Jiwoo and if she agrees, we’ll go on Friday.”

“Only if Jiwoo doesn’t mind,” says Jinsol reluctantly, but Sooyoung smiles, knowing that Jinsol is pretty much sold at this point.

*

Jiwoo agrees the moment Sooyoung explains their plan.

“Oh thank god,” she says. “We’ve been trying to convince her to take a day off forever, but she’s so stubborn. I’m glad you finally got through to her. Don’t worry, we’ll have the kids over and can make a pillow fort - this is so exciting!”

“Uh… Okay…” says Sooyoung, already starting to worry. “Remember not to give them sugar and make sure they brush their teeth and sleep on time…”

“Oh, absolutely - relax! Have a good break with Jinsol, and don’t text us, don’t worry about us, don’t even _ think _ about us, got it?”

“You’re really making me have second thoughts about this.”

“Too late! We’ll pick them up at five, bye!” And Jiwoo ends the call, presumably before Sooyoung can change her mind.

She texts Jinsol - _ Jiwoo said ok! _ \- and grins as she sees Jinsol’s response, a sticker Jiwoo made of Jungeun a long time ago, beaming with two thumbs up.

*

She skips lunch and her coffee breaks on Friday, working so hard that Haseul looks up from her work to frown at her, her finger on her chin.

“What’s wrong with you today?”

“Huh?” Sooyoung asks, her bag already hitched over her shoulder.

“It’s five - where the hell are you going?”

“Out, I have plans.”

“With whom? It’s not Sojung, and I know for a fact that you don’t have any other friends.”

Sooyoung rolls her eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m hanging out with Jinsol tonight.”

“Oh. _ Jinsol _, huh? Look at you moving on fast.”

“No one’s moving on. She’s taking a break, and I’m going with her. That’s all.”

“Sure,” says Haseul, sounding unconvinced. 

But Sooyoung can’t be bothered with her, not when she has another appointment to get to, so instead, she smirks and says: “Farewell, Haseul. Have fun staying till midnight today.”

“_Ugh _. I can’t believe you’re ditching me.” Haseul curses in the background and Sooyoung laughs as she leaves the office.

She comes home to find Jinsol fussing over the kids, three of them lined up at the door without complaint, listening to her nag at them like a mother hen.

“You have everything? Pyjamas, homework, water bottle?”

Wide-eyed, Hyunjin and Yerim nod. Yeojin, meanwhile, looks sleepy, her small hands clutching onto her favourite bear.

“What about snacks? Do you have snacks?”

“Relax, Jinsol,” says Sooyoung, kicking off her shoes. “Jungeun and Jiwoo have food in their house too… I think.”

“They eat off disposable plates just so they don’t have to wash the dishes,” says Jinsol, frowning. “No, I think I better get more snacks.” She hurries into the kitchen and Sooyoung, Hyunjin, and Yerim look at each other as they hear Jinsol rustling around the cupboards.

Not a minute later, she returns with two bags of snacks. “Be good for Aunty Jungeun and Aunty Jiwoo okay?” she says, stuffing Hyunjin’s and Yerim’s backpacks.

“Don’t worry, Aunty Jinsol,” says Hyunjin, puffing out her chest. “I’ll make sure Yerim and Yeojin don’t get into trouble.”

Jinsol’s expression softens. Sooyoung, meanwhile, has to suppress a smile. She would personally be glad enough if Hyunjin doesn’t get into trouble herself.

The bell rings at that moment, and the kids run over to open the door.

“Look who it is!” Jiwoo grabs Yerim and carries her. “My favourite children!”

Jinsol starts to nag Jungeun. “Don’t let them stay up too late, no sugar past ten, light supper, and please give them some proper cutlery to eat with.”

“Jeez, I got it. I’m an adult too, you know?”

“Could have fooled me,” says Jinsol darkly. Ignoring Jungeun’s affronted expression, Jinsol leans over to hug the kids. “I’ll see you girls tomorrow. Bye now.”

“Bye Aunty Jinsol,” echo Hyunjin and Yerim. 

Jiwoo nudges Yeojin.

“Buh-bye Aunty Jinsowl,” yawns Yeojin.

And then they’re gone, all five of them rushing out like a hurricane. Sooyoung is winded just from those ten minutes.

With just the both of them left in the house, the place suddenly feels too big, too empty. Jinsol is staring after them, a worried look on her face.

“I swear, if you run out and tell them you’ve changed your mind…”

“No, no,” says Jinsol, snapping to attention. “I’m going, I’m going.” She pauses. “So where are we going, exactly?”

Sooyoung smiles. “It’s a surprise.”

Sooyoung calls a taxi to take them downtown. It took some effort, but she actually managed to wrangle a reservation at a fancy restaurant, the type with a waiting list of months. The perks of winning cases for rich clients, she supposes.

The car drops them off at the front of the N Seoul Tower. There are luxury cars parked in the driveway, and elegantly-dressed men and women loiter around the entrance. 

But Sooyoung can only see Jinsol. It’s the first time she’s seen Jinsol dressed up, out of her usual jeans and sneakers, and she can’t tear her eyes away.

Jinsol is wearing a black dress and heels, her eyes shadowed with dark liner, her lips a deep red, and Sooyoung has never seen her look more beautiful.

And she’s not the only one. She can feel the eyes of other people on them as they make their way to the restaurant, a fine dining restaurant that is sure to take a huge bite out of Sooyoung’s paycheck. But she can’t find it in herself to care.

“Wow,” Jinsol whispers, as the maitre d’ bows and leads the way. “How did you even find this place?”

Smug, Sooyoung smiles. “I have my ways.”

“You googled it, didn’t you?”

“No, I searched the Michelin Food Guide for this!”

Jinsol raises an eyebrow.

“...okay, _fine_. I googled it...”

Jinsol snorts.

Around them, there’s a small bubble of atmospheric chatter, other diners murmuring in low tones, accompanied by the occasional clink of cutlery, and Sooyoung and Jinsol are forced to lean in close to speak to each other. The warm yellow light seems to envelop them.

“You can see the city from here,” says Jinsol in wonder, looking out.

From Sooyoung’s angle, the reds, blues, and greens of the city reflect on Jinsol, catching her eyes, and making them glitter as she turns back to smile at Sooyoung. Sooyoung’s chest tightens and she feels entirely too jittery.

It’s strangely warm, she thinks, and adjusts the skirt of her dress.

They place their orders with the waiter, and talk about nothing and everything while they wait for their food to arrive. Between sips of wine and bites of steak, Sooyoung tells Jinsol about her day, and listens to Jinsol complain about her colleagues, and when their plates are suddenly empty, she can’t help but marvel at how fast the time passed.

“Where to next?” asks Jinsol. Her cheeks are flushed a light pink from the wine.

“More drinks?”

They find their way to a rooftop bar in Hongdae, already packed shoulder-to-shoulder with people, jostling for space among the locals, expats, and even tourists. 

Sooyoung orders them two drinks, and they find their way to a corner seat, pressed up against each other, giggling and tipsy.

“I haven’t been to Hongdae in forever. This is nice,” says Jinsol. Her warm breath washes over Sooyoung’s ear - heat rises in the pit of Sooyoung’s stomach and she finds herself shivering. “How did you even know of this place?”

“Sojung brought me once,” says Sooyoung, unthinking, until Jinsol suddenly stiffens. “Huh?”

“Jungeun told me she broke up with you that night when you came over to see Yerim in the hospital,” says Jinsol.

Huh? Then she realises. Oh.

“It’s not like that,” she quickly says. “It had nothing to do with you or Yerim. I - I think it would have happened anyway.”

“Did you like her a lot?” Jinsol’s voice is soft as she stares into the depths of her drink.

It’s a question that Sooyoung had thought hard about the past week. She can’t help the guilt that courses through her every time she thinks about Sojung, but maybe it was better like this.

“We had fun. But I… I don’t think it was like that. It wasn't serious.” She taps a finger on the rim of her glass. “I didn’t go out with her because I liked her.”

“Then why did you?”

She takes a deep breath, looks at Jinsol, her face curious and open. There’s no judgment in it, just pure concern, and for the first time, Sooyoung allows herself to admit out loud: “I think I was looking for an answer.”

“To what question?”

“I… don’t know.” She doesn’t know how to tell Jinsol, to articulate the vague sense of dissatisfaction that’s been dogging her since coming to Seoul, the inkling at the back of her head that this is not what she wants.

All she knows is that it’s not supposed to feel like this, and she wants more.

“I didn’t want to be alone.”

Jinsol furrows her brows. “You’re not alone, Sooyoung,” she says fiercely. “You have Jiwoo, Jungeun, your high school friends…” In a smaller voice: “You have us too - me and the kids. More than you realise.”

And suddenly, it feels like Sooyoung’s chest is expanding, her heart growing, emotion rushing in and sending her flying. She opens her mouth to speak, but then Jinsol is jumping to her feet, pulling Sooyoung up with her.

“Come on, let’s dance.”

They push their way onto the makeshift dance floor, already packed with swaying drunk people. The bass thumps and the floor shakes, and Jinsol’s hand is firm in hers. Sooyoung lets Jinsol lead her to the centre of the dance floor, shrouded in shadow.

Several people glance at them, but Sooyoung pays them no heed, her eyes drawn to Jinsol and Jinsol only.

The crowd seems to part just for them, and Jinsol pulls Sooyoung close, their faces so close that their breaths mingle in the strip of space between them. Her blood thuds in her ears, rushing, pounding, heating up her skin as she lets Jinsol guide her hands to her waist.

Jinsol begins to move - confident, precise. It’s clearly not her first time, and there’s a magnetism to her movements as she leads Sooyoung, who can only follow her blindly, too aware of Jinsol’s skin against hers.

She looks at Jinsol, really _ looks _ at her, and Jinsol’s eyes are glowing, teasing and pulling Sooyoung in.

“You’re _ beautiful_,” Sooyoung breathes out, and Jinsol is looking up at her from under her eyelashes, eyes dark, and the penny _ drops_, and - 

_Oh god, she's been an absolute fool_.

She freezes, the truth and the music reverberating over and over and _ over _ again in her head and Jinsol slows to a stop and frowns at her.

“Sooyoung?”

The months flash by, and Sooyoung is so stupid, _ so stupid_: her jealousy over Vivi, her protectiveness, the failed attempt to date Sojung -

The thought courses through her with a clarity and certainty that she’s never experienced before, and Jinsol is close - too close - and Sooyoung wants her.

Sooyoung _ wants _ her.

Desire flares in Sooyoung, the heat burning under her skin, and she doesn’t even know when or how, but she’s leaning forward, breathless and wanting, her lips a hair’s breadth from Jinsol’s. 

Jinsol stiffens, and just when her blood runs cold and she wonders if she’s made a terrible, terrible mistake, Jinsol surges forward too, kissing Sooyoung with a ferocity that sends shockwaves through her system, and it feels like -

_ Finally_.

They feel each other out slowly, tentatively, until Jinsol makes a small sound in the back of her throat, opens her mouth, and _melts_ into Sooyoung.

And it’s like something awakens in her.

She kisses Jinsol back aggressively, chasing her mouth with her own, her fingers digging hard into Jinsol’s waist. Jinsol’s skin is hot against hers, and suddenly it’s too hot, too cramped, too claustrophobic and she breaks away to say, involuntarily: “Do you want to get out of here?”

Jinsol blinks, her breath coming out in short pants, and Sooyoung waits, impatience scratching at her, feeling like the whole evening has built up to this point, and it’s now or never again.

Jinsol bites her lip, but she’s looking steadily at Sooyoung, and she seems to steel herself with a deep breath, before giving a single, firm nod.

“Yes.”

Later, when Jinsol has fallen asleep, Sooyoung turns over to stare at her. Moonlight bends and breaks over the planes of Jinsol’s face and body, her eyelashes fluttering.

Sooyoung traces the sharp angles of Jinsol’s nose and jaw and the soft curves of her cheeks with her eyes. Her hair fans out in a halo under her, and Sooyoung can’t help herself - she leans in and places a kiss on Jinsol’s eyelid, the tip of her nose, feelings washing over and overwhelming her, and a single thought rings over and over in her head, clear like a bell:

_ I love you I love you I love you I love you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	7. Chapter 7

When Sooyoung wakes again, it’s bright. Sunlight streams in from the side windows, falling in patches on her face and the empty space on the other side of the bed.

Other than the wrinkled sheets and the soft indent in the pillow, she finds herself very much alone in Jinsol’s room.

It’s the second time she’s properly had the chance to look around - not since that very first day all those months ago, when Jinsol brought her around the house, bouncing Yeojin her arms.

Jinsol’s room is cluttered, but somehow still sparse.

Other than the double bed, there’s a dresser and two night-stands, clothes and papers and letters piled high and spilling out of the shelves.

A picture of a younger Jinsol and her sister grin up at Sooyoung from among Jinsol's gallery of photos on the night-stand. Clad in a leather jacket and military boots, with heavy eyeliner and black painted nails, Sooyoung could have mistaken the both of them for punks - maybe even members of a heavy metal band.

Beside it, there’s another one of Jinsol at her sister's wedding, posing for a casual photo with her sister and brother-in-law. They're all dressed in light colours, shades of grey and lilac, the perfect complement to what looked like a small spring wedding in the countryside.

And then there’s a family photo. It's just the children and their parents but given a place in Jinsol’s gallery all the same. Sooyoung smiles at the younger faces of Hyunjin and Yerim, and what must be a newborn Yeojin, still pink and blotchy, swaddled in thick blankets.

Before she can examine the others, squeezed together in a crowd of photo frames, Sooyoung's phone buzzes. It's an email from work. It's also eleven.

_Shit._

She hadn't realised it was that late; the kids could be home at any second, and so she jumps out of bed and frantically searches for her clothes. Except - they're gone.

Instead, she finds a folded set of a college t-shirt and a pair of pyjama pants set out at the edge of the bed; her stomach flips, and Sooyoung grins stupidly as she brings them up to her nose for a sniff before pulling them on.

Then she makes her out into the hall, smelling chicken sizzling on the stove.

Her stomach growls.

At the sight of Jinsol bustling around in the kitchen, Sooyoung pauses. She's wearing an oversized shirt that hangs to mid-thigh, the barest hint of a pair of blue and yellow shorts beneath, and Sooyoung groans to herself as she recognise those pants.

The _lemon shorts_.

(She remembers the exact moment she first set eyes on it, in a department store with Jinsol and the kids, trying to keep Hyunjin from throwing toys around, when Jinsol holds it up to her, a grin on her face.

“Look! Isn’t it cute? I’m going to get it.”

No amount of persuasion on Sooyoung’s part could talk her out of buying it. And the kids were no help at all: Yerim _ loves _ them.

Every once in a while, when Jinsol is in one of her playful moods, she would take the shorts out again just to torment Sooyoung with its existence.)

But Sooyoung can tolerate those cursed shorts today, because really, there isn't much that can ruin her mood this morning.

Instead, she continues to watch Jinsol from the hallway, her heart swelling as a vision of domesticity rises in her. She imagines days of waking up to this sight, of Jinsol making breakfast, the kids playing in the living room, and she finds herself taking a step forward, propelled by her emotions.

“Hi,” she breathes, slipping her arms around Jinsol’s waist.

“Ah!” Jinsol jumps and flinches away.

“Sorry!” Sooyoung takes a step back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I didn’t realise you were awake.” Jinsol clutches a hand to her chest, looking everywhere but at her. “How long were you here?”

“Uh, only just. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah!” says Jinsol, too quickly. “Everything’s fine.” And she turns her back to Sooyoung again, frying the marinated chicken from yesterday with a laser-like focus.

“Are you sur - ”

She’s interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell, and a series of messy taps on the door that can only mean one thing -

“Aunty Sooyoung!” Hyunjin and Yerim tumble into her arms as she opens the door, holding out drawings they made the day before - Jinsol, Sooyoung, Jungeun, Jiwoo, and the three of them. “Aunty Jungeun let us paint yesterday!”

The strokes are amateurish, the whites of the background making the art look horribly empty, but the figures are rendered in pain-staking detail, with the kids even making an effort to paint in the watch that Sooyoung wears to work everyday. 

A little stunned, Sooyoung can only hold the drawings close.

“Hyunjin, indoor voice,” says Jinsol, who emerges from the kitchen with a spatula. To Jungeun and Jiwoo: “I hope they weren’t too much trouble.”

“Not at all!” chirps Jiwoo. “Like little angels.”

Jungeun clears her throat. “Well, not quite angels… But everything’s fine, our house is still intact.”

Jinsol chuckles. “Do you guys want to stay for lunch? I was just making breakfast for us both but I’ll get started on lunch too.”

“Only if we’re no trouble.”

“Jungeun.” Jinsol’s tone is serious. “The both of you are never trouble.” Then she disappears back into the kitchen, leaving Sooyoung with Jungeun and Jiwoo, the kids having long run back into their rooms to do whatever it is kids tended to do.

“So…” says Jiwoo immediately, the moment Jinsol is out of earshot. Sooyoung frowns at her shit-eating grin. “_You guys _…?”

“We what?”

“You know… did the deed… knocked boots… bumped uglies… do I need to go on?”

Sooyoung grimaces before turning away to enter the living room, Jiwoo hot on her heels, Jungeun following at a leisurely pace.

“Come on, tell us! We won’t tell anyone else!”

“Nothing happened,” insisted Sooyoung.

“You expect us to believe that when you’re wearing her clothes?”

Sooyoung glances down to see Sungkyunkwan University emblazoned across her chest. Great. She frowns at Jiwoo and Jungeun, settled down on some chairs, eyeing her with gleeful interest.

“No comment.”

“That means they_ did_.” Jungeun smirks, exchanging glances with Jiwoo.

Sooyoung is saved from further ribbing when Jinsol’s voice floats over to them from the kitchen: “Sooyoung, there’s some bacon for you in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”

Ignoring the waggling eyebrows from her (soon-to-be ex-) friends, Sooyoung flees the living room, seeking refuge in the kitchen.

“I might have gone a little overboard with the food,” Jinsol admits, as she and Sooyoung stare at the spread of plates laid out in front of them.

“Were you cooking for seven or seventeen?”

“Oh shut up. I just thought they might be hungry after having to spend the whole night with the kids.”

Jungeun and Jiwoo’s eyes nearly pop out when they see Sooyoung and Jinsol trucking the food out. The kids, on the other hand, are delighted at the rare treat of chicken nuggets and fries.

Sooyoung takes a seat next to Jinsol near the head of the table, and immediately, she feels Jungeun and Jiwoo's eyes on her. Pointed.

And her suffering doesn't just stop there. While they eat, Junguen and Jiwoo shoot her looks and smiles, and when they’re finally done and Jinsol and Sooyoung have bundled the both of them off with boxes of leftovers, Jiwoo raises her hands and pretend to type on a phone, mouthing, “_Text me_!”, before disappearing with Jungeun into the lifts.

“Finally. They’re gone. I thought we would never be free,” says Sooyoung.

“They were very unsubtle, weren’t they.”

Sooyoung suddenly feels her face heat up. “You knew?”

“I’m not oblivious, you know,” Jinsol says, laughing at the expression on Sooyoung’s face as she arranges the dishes in the sink.

Beside her, her arms covered with soap suds up to her elbows, Sooyoung suddenly feels her heart race. “Listen, Jinsol… About that - ”

But just as Jinsol glances at her, they hear a loud crash, and immediately, all three girls find their way into the kitchen, accusations flying off their tongues.

“Yerim did it!” yells Hyunjin. Did what though, Sooyoung has absolutely no idea.

“Did not!” Yerim wails - and to Sooyoung’s horror, Yeojin starts to cry along with her.

Jinsol sighs. “Let’s do this later,” she tells Sooyoung over the tops of the kids' heads, and just like that, they settle back into the rhythm of everyday life.

*

“So… when are you going to introduce me to your girlfriend properly?”

Sooyoung chokes on her water, coughing so hard that the lawyers at the other end of the office turn around to stare, deep frowns etched on their faces.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” she says quickly.

Haseul’s face falls. “You mean you had the whole Friday evening to make a move and you did nothing? I’m disappointed, Sooyoung.”

“What? I mean, it’s not that nothing happened…” begins Sooyoung, defensive, but she regrets it immediately as Haseul crows in triumph and leans forward, resting her chin on her hands. “Never mind, forget I said anything.”

“No, come on. Tell me. Let’s start with: where did you guys go?”

Well. Haseul is nothing if not a dogged questioner, which is also what makes her an excellent lawyer. Sooyoung also knows, from experience, that Haseul has a way of making her spill her secrets, and she may as well cut out the needless back-and-forth today.

And Sooyoung figures she may as well get some perspective on her problem. Even if Haseul didn’t exactly give the best advice - she's reminded of those few weeks with Sojung - a detached observer’s perspective must be better than anything she can come up with currently. Right?

“Fine. We went to dinner at N Seoul Tower and then a rooftop bar.”

“N Seoul Tower?” Haseul’s eyes bug out. “Those ridiculously expensive restaurants? Wow… you must really like this girl. What else?"

“Well, we… we slept together, I guess - ”

“You _ what_?” This time it’s Haseul’s turn to choke.

“Yes, we slept together,” says Sooyoung, annoyed by Haseul’s interruption. “Anyway, we were supposed to talk about it, but then we got interrupted by the kids, and I thought I would let her bring it up in her own time, but it’s been days and she hasn’t said anything yet? I don’t know if I’m overthinking this, or maybe she really just forgot?”

A moment of silence passes between them.

“Do people just ‘forget’ about things like these?”

“I don’t know… I mean, Yerim’s appointment is coming up this week, so I thought…”

“Hm.” Haseul scratches at her chin. “Maybe. I guess she’ll talk to you after the appointment.”

Sooyoung sighs. She’s usually a patient person; this feeling of restlessness, of being on edge, of the need to do _ something_, it’s all new to her and she isn’t quite sure what to do with it.

But as much as she wants to settle matters fast, she also knows that Jinsol is stretched thin, and she would hate to add more pressure on top of everything else that Jinsol has to deal with.

“Yeah,” she says finally. “I’ll wait.”

*

Yerim goes back to the same hospital for her first appointment with the psychologist.

The paediatrics ward is as bright and cheerful as ever, with the animal wallpaper and the multi-coloured stripes on the floor, but a lot less crowded this time.

The allure of new places to explore forces Sooyoung to keep a tight hold on Hyunjin and Yeojin, while Jinsol and Yerim walk on ahead of them to the psychologist's room at the end of the hallway.

At the door, a nurse stops Sooyoung, Hyunjin, and Yeojin and informs them that they have to stay at the waiting area instead.

Making a sharp left turn, Sooyoung finds herself in kid heaven: rows and rows of toys line the short wooden shelves, more toys than every imaginable. There's gundams, toy cars, fake kitchens, and dolls, and it's at this point Hyunjin and Yeojin finally manage to break free, raiding the shelves of the gundams and plastic fruits.

Along with the other exhausted parents, Sooyoung sinks into the hard chairs lined against the walls. Beside her, there's a woman with her eyes glued to her phone, completely focused, ignoring her son playing at her feet. Sooyoung peeks over, and oh - it’s an episode of a historical drama, with some fairly unrecognisable actors.

She takes out her own phone - and with one eye on Hyunjin and Yeojin - begins replying to some of the emails she’s been putting off since this morning.

So much for a day off.

Absorbed in her work, she doesn’t realise how much time has passed till Jinsol and Yerim step into the room again, and Jinsol sets Yerim free to play with her sisters while she takes the seat on the other side of Sooyoung.

“How was it?”

“Better than expected. Dr Kim was really nice. I think Yerim is in good hands, which is a relief…” Jinsol sighs and rests her head on Sooyoung’s shoulder. “I’m so tired though.”

Sooyoung’s heart flutters. “I can cook today,” she offers. Even if it doesn’t quite cover the scope of Jinsol’s chores - how far did they extend anyway? - at least it would take one thing off her mind.

“Mm… That sounds good,” murmurs Jinsol, yawning. “But let’s just stay here for a little while more first…”

Sooyoung tries broaching the topic again when they’re back home, and she’s watching Jinsol pack the kids’ room while they’re watching cartoons outside.

She lingers by the doorway, uncertain, until Jinsol looks up.

“I thought you were working.”

“Oh, um, yeah. I’m taking a break.” She continues to dither at the doorway as Jinsol stacks Hyunjin’s textbooks into a corner and tidies Yerim’s messily made-up bed. “Listen, I wanted to talk to you - ”

“Hm? Ah - wait.” Jinsol holds out a hand as her phone suddenly rings, and she gives Sooyoung an apologetic look as she answers it. “Hello?”

_ Sorry_, she mouths, and turns away, cupping her hand over the bottom of her phone. “Yes… yes… Tomorrow? Uh…” She glances at Sooyoung. “I’ll have to check, but I think I’m good for tomorrow.”

“What was that?” asks Sooyoung, as soon as Jinsol puts her phone away.

Jinsol beams. “Vivi wants to know if I can manage the cafe tomorrow! She wants to promote me to store manager, so it’s like a trial run.”

“What? That’s great! I didn’t know that was on the cards.”

“Yeah, she’s been talking about it for a while now… I think she wants to expand the cafe, so she needs someone to look after the current place so that she can focus on the new one. I didn’t mention it before because I didn’t know if it was actually going to happen - but I guess she sorted all the paperwork out now.” Jinsol pauses, then cocks her head. “Sorry, you wanted to say something?”

Sooyoung tucks her hands behind her back. “Oh, nothing much. It’s not that important. You know what? We should celebrate - this is great!”

*

“What do you mean you haven’t talked yet?” Haseul demands.

Sooyoung fidgets in her seat. They’re seated on a bench in a nearby park today, sandwiches in their laps, looking out at the view of Seoul in winter.

It’s a rare day when they don’t have much work to do in the office, so the both of them leap at the opportunity to escape the confines of the office when Haseul suggests eating outside.

“I tried! But there’s always something else… And it's not that easy to just ask.” 

“Why not? And it’s been more than a week. Are you’re just going to leave it like that?”

“No! I just…” Sooyoung sighs. “You’re right. I’ll do it tonight.”

She waits till the kids have gone to bed, and it’s just the both of them on the couch, plugging in Sooyoung’s beaten up Mac to the TV like every other Monday night (if Sooyoung isn’t working, anyway). They’re watching The Handmaiden from opposite ends of the sofa, knees barely touching, scarcely a word said, and just as Hideko pushes Sookhee away, Sooyoung finally snaps.

“Jinsol… Can we talk?”

A beat. “What about?” Jinsol asks, sounding entirely too casual. Her eyes follow Sooyoung carefully as Sooyoung stops the film and puts the bowl of untouched popcorn to the side.

“About us.”

She waits until Jinsol - after a long pause - turns properly to look at her.

“I wanted to talk - to talk about Friday night,” she says, stumbling over her words. There’s something in the way Jinsol is looking at her, guarded, impenetrable, that turns her stomach liquid with nerves. “I mean - I’ve been wanting to talk, but then there was Yerim’s appointment and all the other things, and I didn’t think you needed anymore - anyway… I, um, I just wanted to know… Are we... dating now?”

There’s a long silence. Long enough for Sooyoung to hold her breath.

“Sooyoung…” 

Dread trickles down her back.

“I don’t think now is the right time.”

“Then _ when _ is the right time? I don’t know what to think when you keep blowing hot and cold with me.”

Jinsol stops. Narrows her eyes.

“_Blowing hot and cold? Me? _” The razor-edge tone of her voice slices through the air. “I’m not the who distanced myself for a whole month for absolutely no reason. I’m not the who came back and suddenly decided everything was okay after not speaking for weeks. I’m not the one who made three children love me and then ran off when things got too much.”

It’s like Sooyoung's glass home, so carefully put together with pieces of her heart, shatters above her.

“But we… Friday… I thought we…”

“We what?” asks Jinsol, as though daring Sooyoung to continue further. “Sooyoung, we slept together. We’re adults. It happens.”

Pain lances through Sooyoung’s chest like a spear. “So it meant nothing to you?”

She sees Jinsol take a sharp breath, almost ready to bite at her; but then she looks at Sooyoung, really _ sees _ her, and her expression softens.

Instead, Jinsol sighs - a long, soft one - and reaches over to touch Sooyoung’s hand with hers.

“Of course it meant something,” she says slowly, now gentle. “But I don’t think you understand, Sooyoung. I have three children with me. Three children, who each have their own feelings, thoughts, dreams - do you have any idea how much it takes out of someone to raise them? You can’t just see the fun part and decide that you want to be a part of their lives like that.”

_ No. _

_ This can’t be happening. _

Of all the ways Sooyoung had imagined this talk to go, this was not it.

“I’m not a normal 24-year-old. I can’t date as and when I want to. What if we break up? Or what if you decide that you don’t want to raise children after all? What’s going to happen to the kids, who are already far too attached to you?

“I had fun on Friday. I needed that break - but that’s what it was. A break. That was never going to be part of my everyday life, and there are only so many breaks I can take.”

Sooyoung stares at her, _ reeling_.

Jinsol shakes her head. “Don’t let yourself get tied down, Sooyoung. You have a whole future ahead of you… You could quit your job, change careers, go to a different city, _ anything_. And I care too much to let you give all of that up for this.”

Speechless, Sooyoung can only look at Jinsol, her eyes stinging with tears. Jinsol bites her lip.

“I’m sorry, Sooyoung,” she says. “I care about you, I really do. But we’re not characters in a film. Things aren't that simple… And that’s why I can’t.”

She leans over to kiss Sooyoung’s cheek, slow, lingering. Then, with a whisper of fabric, disappears into the back of the apartment.

“Jinsol, wait - ”

She hears Jinsol’s door close, and Sooyoung doesn't know how long she sits in the living room staring into space before she finds it in her to drag herself back to her room, the remnants of her months here mocking her in the face.

There’s Yeojin’s pictures on the walls - haphazard crayon marks on drawing paper - which Sooyoung tacked up three months in. The little clay mug that Yerim made during art classes that Sooyoung has been using to store pens and paper clips. And at the corner of her desk, Hyunjin’s textbook, and a book she had been meaning to gift Jinsol…

Her eyes stray to the foot of her bed, just adjacent to her desk, and she sucks in a sharp, pained breath.

It’s her clothes from Friday night, ironed and folded neatly at the edge of her mattress.

When had Jinsol - ?

And in that moment, she knew she couldn't stay.

Her throat constricting, Sooyoung swallows back against the hard lump and blinks furiously as she throws some clothes into a bag, grabs her keys, phone, and wallet, only pausing at the door to throw on a coat before she’s out of the house and fumbling with the lock.

“Aunty Sooyoung?”

She freezes, looks through the bars of the gate to see Yerim blinking up at her, eyes wide.

“Yerim… what are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t sleep…” She eyes Sooyoung’s coat, the keys in her hands, the bag slung over her shoulder. “Where are you going?”

“I…” She forces herself to breathe. “I’m going away for a few days. Go back to sleep, Yerim. _Please_.”

“Okay…” says Yerim, but Sooyoung can feel her curious glance on her, even as her own trembling fingers finally manage to lock the apartment gate and she flees, out of the building, out into the freezing night.

The wind whips at her, and her head slowly starts to clear. Now that she’s out of the house, it’s obvious she can’t go back. 

Which leaves her with only one option.

Jiwoo’s apartment is only a twenty minute walk away, and the only other place she’s familiar enough with to get to without a map. By the time she gets to Jiwoo’s door, she’s half-frozen, her fingers, toes, and face numb.

She rings the bell. Once, twice, _ three _ times, and Jiwoo finally opens the door in her pyjamas. “_Sooyoung_? What are you doing here?”

“Can I… Can I crash at your place for a few days? Please?”

The good thing about Jiwoo is, she knows when not to pry. She only nods and ushers Sooyoung in, calling for Jungeun to grab some blankets as she sets Sooyoung down in front of the heater.

Sooyoung sits quietly, letting Jiwoo and Jungeun fuss over her with blankets and hot packs, holding a steaming cup of hot chocolate in her hands, mind blank.

It’s only much later, when the clock has ticked past eleven, and Sooyoung is bundled up in Jungeun’s flannel pyjamas, that Jungeun ventures to ask her what happened.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sooyoung mumbles, curling up in herself. Her conversation with Jinsol is still fresh on her mind.

Jungeun and Jiwoo exchange looks, but they don’t press her for anything else.

Instead, Jiwoo pats Sooyoung’s shoulder. “Alright then,” she says. “We’ll leave to you to rest. But Sooyoung… You know you can talk to us about anything, right?”

Sooyoung gives her a weak smile. “I know. Thank you. Both of you.”

Jiwoo smiles and shuts off the lights, and then it’s just Sooyoung alone in the far-too-large space. 

Sleep comes hard for Sooyoung that night. Even as she lies on the sofa, blankets pulled up to her chin, her mind can’t help but play back the events of that evening over and over again.

And when she finally falls asleep, her dreams are scattered, and her rest is fractured and fleeting.


	8. Chapter 8

It’s thirty-three minutes and fifteen seconds past nine.

Sixteen.

Seventeen.

Eighteen.

Sooyoung’s been up since 6.30am, eyes wide and chest aching, counting the seconds along with the steady beating of her heart.

She should get up. Should go to work. But her body feels too heavy now. Instead, she turns on her side and curls up in the fetal position, her eyes falling on the window and the world outside.

Soft winter light streams in through the wide open panes of Jiwoo’s apartment. There’s nothing but rows and rows of tall apartment buildings outside, all sombre grey and black.

Her phone buzzes under her pillow. Third time now.

_ Where are you? _ screams Haseul’s text.

_ I covered for you and told Jaden you were sick, but you owe me one. _

_Seriously, are you okay? Call me!!!!!! _

Sooyoung closes her eyes and imagines the scene at her office. Jaden kicking up a big fuss as usual, Haseul scrambling to cover for her, and the interns cowering as Jaden orders them to make coffee for everyone else in the room.

She thinks of getting up and going back in and immediately feels her soul shrivel up.

But Jiwoo and Jungeun will be back soon for lunch. Just imagining her friends’ concern, of Jungeun and Jiwoo fussing over her while attempting to give her space, makes her throat feel like closing, and that throws her out of bed, desperate to avoid the both of them till she can sort her own thoughts out.

She pulls on a sweatshirt and a coat and doesn’t even bother with makeup before she’s out of the house, thrust out into the cold air.

Snow piles up against the side of the pavement - the first snow of the season. Sooyoung walks past it quickly, her stomach knotting up as she remembers how excited the kids were for snow. It was all Yerim could talk about for days.

And now it’s all gone.

She can’t go back. Not after a rejection like this. It’s the only time she’s ever laid herself so bare, so honest, and she can’t face Jinsol again.

For the first hour, Sooyoung simply wanders the streets.

She’s not quite sure what to do with herself. For so long, she’s been rushing from one destination to the other, that taking a step back and letting herself do nothing is such a novel concept.

So she wanders in and out of shops - clothes, books, even toy stores - till her stomach growls in protest.

She checks the time, startled to find that it’s already 12.

There’s a small restaurant in the area that she used to visit with Jiwoo while in college, and Sooyoung finds her thoughts drifting towards its pork bone soup, the memory of thick flavour and the tender meat making her mouth water.

Her feet lead her down the alleyways, making lefts and rights till the familiar thatched awning came into view. She enters and is about to take a seat by the window when a voice stops her: “Ha Sooyoung?”

She turns and her eyes widen.

“Minji? You… work here?” She glances at the apron around Minji’s waist.

“Yeah! It’s only been two weeks since I started. Wait, wait, let me take your order first - we can talk after.” She yells the order into the back before sliding into the seat opposite Sooyoung. “So.” Minji smiles. “How have you been?”

“Uh…”

Sooyoung thinks of everything over the past months.

“Great! Same old. You went to Pusan University for medicine, right?”

She remembers Minji well. They had both run for student council in high school together, winning by a landslide victory against a pair of twin brothers who could only promise free pizza for everyone every Wednesday. She and Minji were close then, Sooyoung remembers with a pang, only to drift apart when Sooyoung escaped to Seoul for college.

“Yeah,” says Minji, relaxing into the seat. “But you know, I really hated it after a while. Being a doctor is great, but it wasn’t for me. So I dropped out after four months.”

_ Four months? _ Sooyoung can’t help but let out a surprised noise.

“I know, I know. It was terrible. My parents were furious - you know how they’re like.”

“But what did you do then?”

“Nothing, for a while... But you remember that I like theatre, right? So I thought I would try to do something with it. I’ve been acting in some plays on and off and I finally got an offer for something in Seoul. Which is why I’m here.”

“It must have been hard.”

“Oh, the worst. Nobody wanted to give me a chance, and I didn’t know anyone who could help me break in. So I ended up doing a lot of waitressing and odd jobs while I auditioned. Still am, actually.”

Sooyoung exhales, impressed. “I think I would have given up if I were you.”

Minji laughs. “I wanted to, so many times. I think I even gave up once. It’s hard, you know, when you’re so used to everything coming so easily - grades, friends, university… I spent five months doing nothing. But it just made me feel worse. I realised then that I wouldn’t be happy doing anything else. So the only thing I could do was to go on.”

_ Oh_. Sooyoung sits back, takes the chance to study her old friend. Where Minji used to be serious and responsible, there is a carelessness about her now, casual confidence in every turn of her head.

She looks good. Different. _ Certain _. 

“Minji, I don't hire you to chit-chat with customers!”

“Ugh.” Minji rolls her eyes, pauses halfway as she stands. “Hey… listen, we should hang out sometime. I wanted to reach out when I came to Seoul, but I didn't know if you would remember me. It was really great talking, though. And I didn’t even get to hear about what you’ve been up to after all these years.”

“We definitely should,” Sooyoung finds herself agreeing. “Here.” She fumbles for her name card and slides it across the table.

“Jeong’s Law Firm, huh?” 

Sooyoung’s stomach lurches at the name.

“Well, at least one of us did well.” With a laugh, Minji scoops the card up, tucks it into the pocket of her pants. Then with a wave, she disappears into the kitchen. Minutes later, Sooyoung's food arrives.

It's past twelve by the time she leave and there are a lot more people in the streets now, the post-lunch crowd spilling out of restaurants and eateries and scattering into various directions.

Standing in the middle of the pavement, Sooyoung looks up into the softly falling snow.

_ I wouldn’t be happy doing anything else_, Minji said. The words rattle in Sooyoung’s brain, insistent.

Would _ she _ be happy anywhere else?

Sooyoung buries her head in her hands. She can’t think like this. She’s been thinking for the past 16 hours, and her life still feels like a muddled mess, pieces of the puzzle scattered and lost. She needs to go somewhere quiet, a place she can just sit down and stew, a place to gather her thoughts.

The bus drops her off along the Han River. Casual joggers and tourists mill around, and it reminds her of the day she brought Hyunjin here, upset and confused, and her chest tightens painfully.

The girls… would they be upset that she left? Again? The guilt, which she’s been suppressing for the entire morning, rises like bile. The image of Yerim surfaces in her mind.

Sooyoung shivers.

She should find a place to sit, she decides, shaking her head to chase the thoughts away. She needs to sit and watch the river, and maybe, _ maybe_, she would finally feel settled.

She dodges people all the way to the edge of the river, where a little ledge and some carved stone steps lets her sit cross-legged by the edge of the water. The river is as clear as glass, the rocks on the riverbed visible from where she sits, and finally she feels herself calm, listening to the rhythmic wash of the water.

All her life, Sooyoung’s always thought that things would happen if they were meant to be. The internship she didn’t get? That scholarship she lost out on? The girl who broke up with her? All things that were never meant to be hers and she can’t imagine anything worse than trying to take something that wasn't meant for her.

But Minji hadn't given up…

Sooyoung pulls the weeds growing by the riverbank and shreds them into pieces.

What if Jinsol was right? What if she stays and regrets it? 

But, a single stray thought insists, what if she _ didn’t? _

Could she be happy anywhere else?

Well, there were cities and cities yet, she tells herself. She could take Jinsol’s advice, move to a different city. There was Incheon, Daegu, even Tokyo - she had spent one blissful college semester there and found herself itching to go back since.

But all these places mean starting over. _ Alone_. And she doesn’t want to be alone. Not anymore.

She sighs and draws her knees up to her chest.

Lost in her thoughts, she doesn’t notice someone trying to get her attention till a firm tap on her shoulder jolts her.

“Sooyoung,” says Sojung with a lopsided smile, and Sooyoung’s jaw falls open. In all honesty, she’s never expected - or even intended - to see Sojung again. “Don’t you have a job to be at?”

Sojung is dressed far too lightly for the weather. Even though it’s only mid-afternoon, Sojung looks ready for a night out with her cropped top, leather skirt, and fishnet stockings.

“I’m playing hooky,” says Sooyoung. “What are _ you _ doing here?”

“Starting my night early.” Sojung’s lips curve into a smile, almost sly. “Wanna come?”

Despite herself, Sooyoung smiles. “I’ll pass, thanks.”

“Oh, right. You’re a domestic woman now.” Sojung takes the space next to Sooyoung and peels off her shoes, letting her toes skim what must be icy water. “What does the wife think about you playing hooky?”

A flush creeps up Sooyoung’s neck. “She’s not - we’re not like that. I came here because I needed some space to think.”

“Some space, huh.”

“You don’t have to stay here with me. I don’t want to ruin your afternoon.”

“On the contrary. Seeing you again has made my day.” Sojung bumps Sooyoung with her shoulder. “So what’s up with you and that girl? The one you dumped me for.”

“Sojung… _ You _ dumped me.”

“Technicalities. You didn’t answer my question. What’s she up to now?”

“I don’t know. Working, I guess.”

“Oh?”

Sooyoung shifts.

“Aww,” Sojung coos. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. You can trust me, you know. I won’t tell.”

“Tch,” Sooyung shakes her head. “And who would you tell?”

“Exactly. So why are you moping around by the Han River on a Tuesday afternoon? You two broke up or something?”

“Can you really break up with someone if you haven’t even dated?” Sooyoung sags, feeling the ache in her chest grow. “Anyway, she doesn’t want me, so I’m back to square one.”

“Doesn’t want you?” asks Sojung, as though the mere thought of anyone not wanting Sooyoung was inconceivable. “She must be stupid, then.”

Sooyoung grunts.

“Oh, don’t be so protective.” Sojung pauses. “You know, my offer is still open, if you want.”

“Which offer?”

“The apartment, of course. _ I _ am closed for business.” Sojung laughs, skims the surface of the water with a finger. “I did some thinking since that day, you know. And I don’t think we would have matched well, really, you and I.”

Sooyoung raises her eyebrows.

“We’re very different people. You… you’re looking for stability. A place to belong. But me, I don’t want that. I’m someone who gets bored after a few months, ready to run off for the next adventure, and I think if we stayed together… I would probably have lost you somewhere between the Himalayas and the Andes.”

“I can imagine. That’s a big area to lose someone in.”

Sojung laughs. “It's something I had to come to terms with on my own. I’ve been chasing the wrong things for too long - it’s a bit of a relief to realise this. But anyway, my point is: I stepped away because I thought you’d be happy. Don’t make me regret it, okay?”

Sojung’s phone buzzes then, and Sooyoung catches sight of the heart emoji on the screen.

“Alright,” Sojung says, getting to her feet. “This is where I leave you. And my offer of an apartment always stands if you ever need a place to run to, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it. Go on then. Your girlfriend’s waiting.”

She sees Sojung turns a little pink. But Sojung recovers fast enough, and with a smirk, she melts into the crowd, indistinguishable in the mists that were starting to rise.

Sooyoung turns back to stare into the riverbed, her blood roaring in her ears. Her thoughts are even more of a jumble now, a whirlwind spinning through her mind.

But it’s getting late, and the sky is washing out into a pale blue, and so Sooyoung stands, dusts herself off, and starts walking back.

By the time she’s ready to go back, it’s nearly seven. Jungeun and Jiwoo wouldn’t be back for dinner yet, she thinks. Jungeun often stays late in the university grading student papers, while Jiwoo would be out practising or recording, or whatever it is that she does.

Which is why she shrieks when she opens the door only to find Jungeun in a chair, a single lamp throwing her shadow dramatically across the room.

“What the _ fuck_!”

“Sooyoung. You’re back.”

Sooyoung slams her hand on the light switch, flooding the apartment with bright white light. “_How long have you been sitting like this?_”

“Like an hour.” Jungeun chuckles as she stretches and walks over to the sofa. “Totally worth it to see the look on your face though.” She pats the seat next to her. “Anyway, sit. We need to talk.”

Wary, Sooyoung takes the offered seat. Alarm bells go off in her head. “What’s this about?”

“Well, what do you think?”

Sooyoung purses her lips. 

“When are you going to talk to Jinsol?”

“Do we _have_ to talk about Jinsol?”

Jungeun stares her down. “I think we haven’t been talking about Jinsol, and that’s exactly the problem.”

_Great_. “Where’s Jiwoo?”

“Out. Don’t bother - she’s not coming to your rescue. She agrees with me on this one.”

Oh hell. Sooyoung exhales slowly. “_ Fine_,” she says. “I’m not going to talk to Jinsol, because as we all know, she clearly doesn’t want me, and I’m not in the habit of begging. Happy?”

“No. When are you going to stop being such a coward, Sooyoung?”

“_Excuse me?_”

“You’re excused,” says Jungeun primly. “Look, I didn’t say anything that first time you ran away because I thought I would let you guys figure it out. But _ god_, both of you have been moping the whole day like idiots. How can two intelligent people be _ so stupid_?”

Sooyoung can only blink at Jungeun, offended.

“You’re a runner, Sooyoung,” says Jungeun finally, after a pause. “Aren’t you tired of it? You came to Seoul to escape your parents. You stay in a job that you hate because you’re afraid to tell your boss you want to quit. You date someone else, crash here at Jiwoo’s place, all because you’re afraid of your own feelings. When are you going to stop?”

“Jungeun,” says Sooyoung lowly. “You’re out of line.”

“Am I _ really_? Or are you just upset that I’m calling you out? Don’t you think Jinsol deserves better from you? Or even the kids? You’re upset that Jinsol rejected you, but have you ever thought that you’ve given her no reason to trust you? All you’ve ever done was run when things got hard.”

And, as suddenly as it appears, Sooyoung's anger dissipates. The knowledge that Jungeun is right makes her deflate in her seat.

“Don’t you think you owe it yourself to fight a little?” asks Jungeun. “Be honest with yourself, Sooyoung: Would you be happy if you let go now? If you say yes now, I’ll accept it.”

“I…” Sooyoung glances helplessly at Jungeun. The words are on the tip of her tongue.

Jungeun watches her expression, the silence seeming to stretch on. When Sooyoung shakes her head, Jungeun sighs. “Here,” she says, handing her phone over. “Call Jiwoo. There are some people who want to talk to you.”

Sooyoung takes the phone, her heart in her throat, dialling the familiar number. Jiwoo picks up after two rings. 

“Hey sweetie, did you miss your Jiwooming?” says Jiwoo immediately. “I missed you toooooooo.”

“Jiwoo. It’s… it’s Sooyoung.”

“Oh. _ Shit_. Um. Heyy Sooyoung, what’s up?”

Sooyoung glances at Jungeun, who grimaces and takes the phone back. “Jiwoo… Can you get them on the phone for Sooyoung please?”

“_Ohhhh_, right, right. _ Them_. Just one second!”

Sooyoung hears Jiwoo call out, a cacophony of voices responding. And then - Sooyoung covers her mouth as she waits, heart pounding - she hears three tiny voices, all of them clamouring to speak.

“Aunty Sooyoung!” Yerim's voice comes in first, clear and loud over the line. “When are you coming home? Aunty Jinsol said not to disturb you because you were working, but we missed you…”

“Yeah, Aunty Sooyoung. You didn’t tell us you were leaving,” says Hyunjin next, reproachful. “When are you coming home?”

“Aunty Sooyoung, come home!” giggles Yeojin.

Home.

_ Home_.

And it's like the final piece falls into place.

Of course. _ Home_. How could she have forgotten?

Overwhelmed, Sooyoung blinks back tears. “Home,” she echoes hoarsely. Then she turns to Jungeun, brushing her eyes with the back of her hand. 

“I need to talk to Jinsol.”

She rushes out of the house, throwing her clothes back on haphazardly, her phone already ringing for the third time.

“Come on, come on,” she mutters. “Pick up.”

The line is about to drop again when it finally click, and Sooyoung's heart leaps.

“Hello?”

“Sooyoung.” Jinsol’s tone is flat, unwelcoming. But Sooyoung isn’t about to let that deter her.

“Jinsol - okay, I know I’m probably the last person you want to speak to right now, but just give me a few minutes. Just a few minutes, and then if you want me to shut up, I will.”

She waits, and when Jinsol doesn’t respond, she takes it as a green light to continue.

“I thought really hard over the past day,” she barrels forward with her words. “And you’re right. I don’t have the best track record. I ran away from you last time, and yesterday too, and I’ve just been so focused on my own feelings that I forgot about yours. Or the kids. And I just…”

Sooyoung inhales, pulse racing. 

“I’m _ sorry. _

“I’m sorry for running away. I’m sorry I didn’t think about how you or the girls would feel. It was selfish of me. I’ve been so scared of making a wrong decision, of committing myself to something wrong, that I just let things happen, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to run anymore. I want this. 

“I’ve been chasing the wrong things this whole time, but now I know that I wouldn’t be happy doing anything else - _being_ with anyone else. For the first time, with you… with the girls… it’s like I have my own place to call home.”

She stops. All she can hear is Jinsol’s breathing and suddenly she finds herself all too conscious, wiping her hands on her pants.

“So… Um… What do you think?”

When Jinsol doesn’t respond, Sooyoung panics. Too much? Too soon?

Then she hears a loud sniffle.

“Sooyoung… Can I see you? Now?”

The grey building looms over Sooyoung, dark and forbidding, and she pauses at the one-way doors, adrenaline in her veins. She ran all the way here - but now, standing on the threshold, her hands shake as she grips the handle, and she has to take a moment before she pushes it open, and the columbarium rolls out before her.

It’s bright inside, surprisingly. There’s an inner courtyard where sun filters onto a small garden, a patch of green oasis among the grey and black marble. It’s more crowded than she expected, she thinks, as she takes the stairs two at a time.

She pants with each step she takes. Thoughts flash through her mind at a dizzying pace, all Jinsol Jinsol _Jinsol Jinsol Jinsol_. She imagines coming face-to-face with her, talking to her - her stomach turns, and she has to stop to collect herself before she can go on.

She finds Hall H in a matter of seconds. And Sooyoung slows just before the entrance.

It’s just Jinsol, she tells herself, placing her hand over her chest. Nothing special. She’s poured her entire heart out at this point. She has nothing else to lose.

And magically, that does the trick.

Sooyoung turns round the bend, and _ there_. 

Jinsol turns as soon as she steps forward, and Sooyoung immediately sees her reddened eyes and nose. And feeling Jinsol’s own gaze on her, Sooyoung takes tentative steps forward, till they’re only feet apart.

“Hey,” she finally says, almost choking on her own nerves.

A few seconds pass. Or it could have been several sunlit days. And then, without any warning, Jinsol hurtles straight ahead and knocks the wind out of her as she wraps her arms around her neck. Sooyoung’s arms automatically fly up to hug her waist.

Jinsol sucks in a deep breath. “_I am so sorry_.”

Confused, Sooyoung pulls back to look Jinsol in the eye.

“I wasn’t being fair to you,” says Jinsol, sniffling. “I shouldn't have said that you were only in it for the fun. You've been taking care of the girls this whole time, and I…” She swallows thickly.

Sooyoung frown. “But you were right. I’ve been so, so selfish. I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt the girls.” She tucks a strand of stray hair behind Jinsol’s ear. “And now I’ve made you cry.”

Jinsol disentangles herself, brushes away the tears at the corners of her eyes, lets out a wet chuckle. But even still, she has never looked more beautiful.

And Sooyoung can't help herself. “I love you,” she blurts out. Then freezes in fear. “Um, sorry - I didn’t mean - ”

But Jinsol only places a finger over her lips. “You know, I woke up today half-expecting you to be there. Your stupid Sunmi alarm, the two slices of toast that I put out for you before I remembered that I've run you off, the pork bone soup that I planned to cook for dinner tonight…” Sooyoung clasps Jinsol's hands in her own and nods. “You said you found a place to call home…” continues Jinsol, “and for me, for the girls… It's not home without you anymore.” 

Jinsol bites her lip and raises her cold fingers to cup Sooyoung's face. “Sooyoung,” she says, voice trembling. “Come back home with me.”

Speechless, Sooyoung can only nod. “_Yes_,” she croaks, intertwining her own fingers with Jinsol, kissing her fingers, her palm, the inside of her wrist. “I'll come home with you. _Always_.”

For the first time that night, Jinsol beams. She cradles Sooyoung’s face in her hands. “_I love you too_.”

And when she finally kisses Sooyoung, her lips are warm, and their kiss is slow and sweet.

*

_ One year later _

“Aunty Sooyoung! Aunty Sooyoung!”

“Shh,” Sooyoung pats Yeojin’s head. “Be patient. Any moment now.”

“Yeah, better be,” grumbles Jungeun. “My legs are cramping from squatting too long.”

“Aww, baby,” says Jiwoo, and Sooyoung cringes as she hears a wet kiss from their corner of the living room.

Haseul and Vivi’s corner, on the other hand, is completely silent. Sooyoung’s a little worried. She's only invited Haseul because she wouldn’t shut up about Jinsol’s hot cafe owner friend, but now that there seems to be strange silence emanating from their corner, she can't help but think she's made a mistake.

She only hopes Haseul hasn’t frightened Vivi. Vivi still hasn’t quite warmed to Sooyoung, not since that time she ran out on Jinsol for the second time, and Sooyoung is determined to kill Haseul if she ruins things for her even more.

“Aunty Sooyoung,” says Yerim suddenly. “I need to pee.”

“Just five more minutes, Yerim.”

Together, all eight of them wait with bated breath as they _ finally _ hear the lift ding. There’s the sound of footsteps, then the lock clicking as Jinsol opens the gate and calls out: “Hyunjin? Yeri - ”

“_SURPRISE!_”

Jinsol shrieks as they all jump out at her.

“Surprise!” Sooyoung says again, holding out the cake in her hand.

Hyunjin tugs at her hand, and says, “We baked this cake for you,” as Yerim hands her a card.

Jungeun, Jiwoo, Vivi and Haseul thrust their presents into Jinsol's hands. “Happy birthday Jinsol!”

“I…” Jinsol stares at the pile of presents, dumbfounded. “It’s not my birthday?”

“Well. Jungeun is busy next weekend, so we decided to throw a party today instead.” Sooyoung leans over to kiss Jinsol's cheek.

“_Oh_. So that’s why you were being so weird yesterday.” Jinsol narrows her eyes at Sooyoung, who only laughs. “I should have guessed you were up to something.”

“I want cake!” says Yeojin and Jinsol picks her up.

“Thank you,” she says, looking around at all her friends and family with shining eyes. “This is the best birthday present.”

But before she can continue, Yerim tugs at Sooyoung's skirt again, this time more insistent. “Aunty Sooyoung,” she says, petulant. “I _really_ have to pee.”

And Jinsol and Sooyoung exchange a look and laugh.

When their friends leave, Sooyoung puts the girls to bed - Hyunjin in Sooyoung’s old room, and Yerim and Yeojin in room where Yerim and Hyunjin used to sleep. It’s started raining outside and Sooyoung pulls the blankets up to Yerim and Yeojin’s chins.

Then she replaces the storybook onto the shelf and enters her room to find Jinsol sitting on their bed, smiling as she flips through the girls’ handmade card.

“All asleep?” Jinsol asks, looking up.

“For now. Until the thunder wakes them up again.” As if to punctuate her point, thunder crashes outside, shaking their entire apartment. Sooyoung leans over to give Jinsol a peck. “What do these say?”

“Apologies for breaking the bowl yesterday.” Jinsol laughs and sets the card down, next to an unwrapped macaroni bracelet, courtesy of Hyunjin’s art class.

The other presents from their friends have also been unwrapped: Sooyoung spots a musical score book for _ Wicked _ , a new perfume bottle, five boxes of instax film, and… _ lingerie? _ Sooyoung’s eyes bug out.

Jinsol follows Sooyoung’s gaze. “Oh… Ugh. That’s from Jungeun,” she says. “Trust me, her note wasn’t much better.”

Sooyoung can only imagine. Ever since Jungeun declared herself Cupid of the Year, she’s been unbearably smug about getting them together.

Curious, Sooyoung runs her finger over the top of the box. The set itself is pretty nice, she realises, with black lace and pink stripes. One could even say… tasteful? She glances over at Jinsol, suddenly interested. “Are you… going to try this on then?”

Jinsol gives her a _ look _. Instead of responding, she says: “Where’s _ your _ present?”

“Impatient.” Sooyoung rounds the bed to the dresser, where she pulls out two envelopes. “I have two presents, actually.”

Jinsol takes the proffered envelope, ripping it open and reading the paper that falls out. Her eyes widen. “Wait… Sooyoung… This is… a job offer?”

Sooyoung plays with her hands, suddenly nervous. “Yeah… I wanted to find something with better hours, so I applied to a bunch of places. The Public Prosecutor’s Office got back to me… So I guess I’ll be resigning on Monday?”

For a moment, Jinsol merely blinks. Then she breaks into a large grin. “Baby, that’s amazing!” she says, throwing her arms around Sooyoung, peppering her face with kisses. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Wait, wait.” Sooyoung laughs as she holds Jinsol off. “Open the other one first.”

She watches Jinsol tear open the second envelope, eyes scanning the sheet, feeling her own heart race. Jinsol doesn’t say anything for the longest time, and the silence stretches on till Sooyoung says, hesitant: “You said that you wanted to get another degree, so I spoke to that biology professor from last time. Turns out he really likes your undergrad thesis, so he wants to meet to talk about supervising your Masters.”

Still nothing.

Sooyoung’s palms are starting to sweat. “Okay… Do you hate it? Like, am I way out of line? Or are you too emotional to speak?”

Finally, Jinsol looks up, eyes shining. “I _ love _ it.” She surges forward to squeeze Sooyoung tight.

Relieved, Sooyoung collapses backwards onto the bed. “Oh thank god,” she says, as Jinsol hovers over her. “I was so worried you were going to hate it.”

“I love you,” Jinsol says, kissing her soundly. “This is my favourite present.”

“I love you more.”

They smile stupidly at each other until Sooyoung remembers Jungeun’s present. She holds it up with a cheeky grin. “So… you’re going to try this on for me, right?”

She’s only joking, half-expecting Jinsol to laugh it off. But Jinsol merely raises an eyebrow, the corner of her lips quirking, and Sooyoung’s heart starts pounding, when there’s a dramatic flash of lightning and the heavy clap of thunder, and the both of them jump as their door flies open.

“_Aunty Jinsooooool!_”

Sooyoung quickly drops the box onto the floor and out of sight.

Three tiny bodies throw themselves onto the bed beside Sooyoung and Jinsol and duck under the blanket. 

“What’s wrong?” asks Jinsol, peeling back the blankets.

“The thunder is scary…” whines Yerim.

Resigned, Sooyoung sighs. “Do you three want to sleep here with us then?”

“Yay!” Before she can finish her sentence, the girls are already wriggling on the bed, taking up the space in the middle.

Sooyoung and Jinsol exchange glances. With a battle cry, they advance on the girls together, tickling them with a vengeance.

Later, when they’re all worn out and everyone has fallen asleep, Sooyoung will look over the bed and smile at her favourite girls all curled up together. She will remember her very first day, stumbling through the doors with one filled suitcase and an empty life, desperate only for a place to sleep.

And she will think that it’s funny how people find their homes in the least likely of places.

It's all because she made the choice to stay.

And that, she thinks, makes all the difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i give up. i've been fiddling with this for so long i don't even know a sooyoung or a jinsoul anymore.
> 
> anyways,,, thank you to everyone who has been reading this story - it's been a wonderful ride. all of you have been so insightful and encouraging with your comments and kudos and bookmarks and it just made writing this so much better. although i didn't manage to respond to everyone, i appreciated every single comment!!
> 
> for anyone who wants to come by and say hi or talk more about this fic, you can find me on twt and cc. thank you all again for everything and i'll be back with more! xx


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